living underground in the real world

I fuckin’ love gum

Yes I do. And there is something wonderfully appealing about using the blog right now for what I usually hate to see blogs used for – useless personal drivel.

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In case you were wondering, here are my Top Three Favorite Gums!*

-Bubblicious Watermelon Wave (please note that clicking on that link will bring you to a site with no information whatsoever, except the directive to “start a new sport: tongue surfing.”) A gigantic burst of flavor that practically knocks newcomers off their feet, you need to be prepared for the practically literal** wave that this flavor throws at you. The flavor dissipates within 2 minutes (wavelike!) and you are left with a pleasantly huge wad of increasingly flavorless gum base to gnaw on for as long as you can stand it. If you can stand being 29-years-old and blowing bubbles, as I can, Bubblicious lives up to its name expertly. Post-chew gum wrapper craft opportunities (tiny swans, paper chains, dresses) are myriad with this explosively fluorescent wrapper.

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I can’t stand gums made with aspartame, which severely limits my gum-chewing possibilities. Bubblicious is made with sugar as a first ingredient and corn syrup second – truly the mark of a quality gum. (I am not being ironic! Sugar makes a good gum.)

-Sweetly simple-minded Apple Gum is my second favorite gum of all time, but I will readily admit that I buy it pretty much only for the wrapper. I have visions of wallpapering a bathroom with the cute vintage papers, and have been saving mine for a few years. I buy it by the case and press it on anyone who enters the house, but the gum tends to stick to the inner wrapper, so half of the time you end up chewing paper. The gum is pleasantly puckery and an appealing/appalling apple green shade achieved through masterful use of FD&C Green #3. The flavor is fast fleeting and the gum itself literally falls apart and disintegrates after maybe 15 minutes if not chewed very fast. Overall, a super awesome gum.

Apparently it was discontinued in 1984, but brought back recently as a “limited-edition nostalgia candy,” and I am convinced that this means they found a random warehouse full of it somewhere and are just selling it until it runs out. Which is why I buy it by the case.

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-Hello Kitty gum. YES. Is there nothing the Hello Kitty brand will not manufacture? I am always reminded of Hawaii’s halfway-to-Japan status at my vacation drug store spot, because they have a blindingly pink aisle of tiny Hello Kitty treats that give me deep pleasure. Cheapie pencils, cheapie erasers, cheapie markers, cheapie mini backpacks, notepads, calculators, headphones, pencil cases, lunch boxes, “power dip,” “meow-berry flavored Kellogg’s Hello Kitty Pop Tarts” – I want it all and I buy so little of it. Due to my self-imposed slowdown on sweatshop-made goods, I usually only buy the edibles (OK, today I bought a pencil.), and I’m always shocked by how much I like their gum.

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Amazingly, sugar is the first ingredient and corn syrup is the third (yes, glucose, another form of sugar, is the second ingredient). Their gums tend to have a slithery quality that I prize in my gum, and their packaging can’t be beat. Tonight I tried Pandapple (inexplicably it was “grape flavor,” not panda and apple flavored, but what can you do) and it was a delicious 3-minute treat. After three minutes it became a rock hard chunk of flavorless rubber, but the label is so pretty!

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Yay for gum!

PS: OM fuckin’ G: I just asked my sweetheart Jacob if he could guess my three favorite gums, and he said: “That smelly watermelon shit, that old crap apple gum, and your new favorite, the Hello Kitty gum that is currently making you act crazy.” Truly, a good relationship can be measured by how well one’s partner knows one’s gum preferences, n’est-ce pas?)

PPS: How much do you want an ultrapink Hello Kitty Power Stick? I want one very, very badly.

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*As previously stated, vegan police: do not go after me about what “gum base” could be. There are only so many things a gum-lovin’ vegan can think about in a day.**How fucking awesome is Literally, A Web Log?

3 Responses to “I fuckin’ love gum”

  1. Maggie

    ah Lagusta! I love your blog. this is a good one inparticular as I too love gum and gum made with sugar only. I refuse to eat or drink anything with aspartame, sucralose or any other nasty, shitty sweetener. Oh and Hello Kitty! I love HK! The only prob with that gum is the flavor lasts even less than Bubblicious. You are right about what you say “Truly, a good relationship can be measured by how well one’s partner knows one’s gum preferences” It’s things like that, that make you realize why you are with that person. Sounds silly, but it’s true.
    Oh, where might I find one of those Hello Kitty power sticks? I’ll have to check the Sanrio store.

    Reply
  2. Alison

    oy!!! i believe you know my position on gum. ick, chewing for hours, snapping, playing with it, blowing bubbles, sticking it on head boards, or behind one’s ear, under tables……the list could go on but, now I need to take a shower just thinking about. love you, but hate the gum obsession. hope you’re well, and swallowing your food.

    Reply

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