living underground in the real world

the counter/the website/the feminist who wants her boyfriend to do technology for her

The purpose of this blog post is to post this photo of the counter (read more about it here!) so that I can use the address of this image in order to put this image on the new lagustasluscious.com, which relaunches Monday. If that doesn’t make sense, you’re probably sane.

There. Done.

God, that photo sort of stinks. Oh god. Forget this. Tomorrow morning I’ll try to take a better one.

ANYWAY. Listen, I want you to know that I am 100% positive there is a more efficient/non-ridiculous way to do this photo uploading biz, but I’m also 100% positive that I need to be up in six hours to start making fruit caviar for 150 people for this crazy dinner I volunteered to do, but I can’t stop tinkering around with the new site, so I’m doing whatever is easiest for me right now.

The new site is driving me insane.

And I’m not even building the new site—my unbelievable web guru Erin (let her build your website! You will be so happy!) is doing most of the work, and all the hard stuff. I’m just doing things only I can do, like making sure all the shipping and payment systems make sense on my end and editing and crapola like that. I actually found Erin through this very blog, and she’s a shiny gem in my life, let me tell you.

But even with her patience and guidance, my brain is still having a hard time with this technology stuff. I’m not terrible with technology, but when I get in a bit too deep, I get panicky and scream for help. When Jacob is around, he always fixes everything in order to not hear my annoying questions, so over 14 years I’ve gotten lazy, knowing I can say things like “the camera is doing that one thing I don’t like again,” and he knows just what I mean and comes over and fixes it before I go crazy.

I have been known to text him with inane math questions when he’s in the middle of mixing a show, which I’m sure he loves (WAIT! Cute Jacob story alert. The other day he said to me, when I asked him what his favorite thing in the world was: “When people talk to me about my system [as you will recall, he's a sound engineer and production manager and tour manager for indie rock bands.], and they compliment how my board is patched in or something [don't worry about this means, just know that he's an adorably obsessive perfectionist on levels you and I will never understand.], I love that.” God, THE CUTE! Then I punched him because he didn’t say that the rosemary caramels was his favorite thing in the world, like I was expecting). But he always patiently explains, for the millionth time, how to express 5 ounces as a fraction of a pound, and most days I just thank fucking god he likes chocolate, because otherwise our relationship would be vastly unequal forever.

But I’ve got to do this websitey crap on my own, and it’s ludicrous. I read things like this:

Any shipping module that uses weight for the calculations also takes into account a built-in Tare weight. The admin configurable Tare adds extra weight to compensate for packaging materials.

To change the Tare point your cursor at the Configuration menu, choose Shipping/Packaging from the menu and change the Tare.

You can set either and/or both a percentage or weight for Tare and Large Package.

Entered as percentage:weight

Examples:

10% + 1lb = 10:1
0% +3lb = 0:3
5% + 0lbs = 5:0

This way both the Tare for small to medium packages has a flexible option of percentage + weight and the Large Package increase has an option of a percentage + weight.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Does.

That.

Mean.

I stared at that paragraph for about 10 minutes, then decided to finish the rest of this project with a big glass of whiskey.

Which, for reals, helped. Because here’s the problem—I’m not stupid, I just get panicky around technology I don’t understand. And when I get panicky, my brain just shuts off. I do the same thing when driving. It’s really, uh, not good. So the alcohol actually really helps (not, ah, when driving) me to turn off the monkey-mind that’s constantly screaming at me that I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m in over my head and I’m going to irreparably fuck everything up. I took a shot of Makers and changed 0:4 to 0:3 and now the shipping seems just about right.

This technology panic has to be a feminist thing, right? I’m terrible at math, terrible at driving, terrible at science, terrible at technology. (Terrible at eating meat, terrible at not expressing my feelings, terrible at being violent…) I talk such a big talk about my feminism, but the truth is that I’m much happier around my measuring spoons and herbs and spices—even though, honestly, my work is all about chemistry, and I love it. I love the challenge of a new recipe, even a hard one like toffee, with its 300°F precision and no margin of error. I don’t run away from hard things, just things that involve (shudder shudder) HTML. (Speaking of, VEGANS!!! Be excited about the August Chocolate of the Month! It’s the sort of chocolate that vegans kiss my feet for making—I cannot WAIT for you to go crazy for it.)

Meh. Sux.

So yeah whatever, that’s that.

Oh god, I have to get to sleep.

Oh but hey–I haven’t been to the store yet! My next door neighbor at the shop brought me over an enormous bounty of garden overflow veggies as a welcome-to-the-neighborhood gift, sweetie-pie farmer Erin (a different one from website-builder Erin!) brought FOUR avocados to my grand opening party last week, and then my old sous chef Veronica—remember darling Veronique? I haven’t seen her in forever, it’s heartbreaking—SENT ME Tings through the mail after reading this post, along with adorable thrifted aprons that perfectly match the kitchen and other sweet treats.

(wo)Man oh (wo)man! I may be poor in tech skills, but the richness of my ladyfriends sure makes up for it.

2 Responses to “the counter/the website/the feminist who wants her boyfriend to do technology for her”

  1. India-leigh @ aveganobsession

    I loved your post..it’s all so tangled and upside down in the most perfect way. I chuckled, nodded, rose my eyebrows, squinted, shook my head and did that ‘i’m thinking warm and fuzzies’ thing when i dip my head to the right and grin like a porpoise (is that how you spell it?..dunno). Your boyfriend sound like a good match..like dark raw chocolate and chilli.

    Reply
  2. Jordan

    I think a comment must be made about that sign!! What a great sign. I love the BURST WITH LIFE!

    Reply

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