resistance is fertile

living underground in the real world

i sometimes have my breakfast right off of a mirror / and sometimes i have it right out of a bottle / come on… September 23, 2010

OK I’ve never done either. Like, not even when I was a baby, because:

No bottles for me!

(Hey—I wore that turquoise necklace the other day! My mom keeps giving me all her jewelry, I have no idea why.)

But I am having a bit of a Spiritualized moment right now, so just go with it, OK? And if that video doesn’t go to the song with those lyrics I’m sorry, but I’ve got a jetlagged boy next to me in bed and can’t actually listen to it. I am way too lazy to go into another room.

So! Now things really are better than they’ve been. I’m checking in from the land of happy-manic to say some shiz:

First of all, my boyfrien’ came home from his European tour—the kind of tour where, apparently, the fantastical Paris hotel he reserved will, unbeknownst to him until the concierge points it out in response to a query about local veganosity, have an amazing vegan restaurant in one direction and amazing falafel restaurant a few blocks away in the other (“The! best! falafel! ever! Literally!”), Rothko paintings (your fave!) will present themselves at every opportunity, and walks along the Seine and the whole Paris thing will be indulged, complete with requisite “It’s not Paris without you!” messages to yours truly, even though we were only in Paris together once for like 12 hours ten years ago and he’s been there maybe dozens of times since. It’s true, though, Paris makes you a romantic, you can’t stop it! Maybe it’s the fluffy falafel?

Though and also mayhaps because I have been sweltering in the fetid recesses of my overheated obstreperal lobe whilst he has been ramblin’ around The Continent, his journeys hath [Full disclosure: can you tell I am drinking? Yes, you can. Pastis!] yielded me:

  • Pastis! En particulier, Pastis de Marseille. Yum!
  • One Parisian baguette, bought immediately before boarding and shockingly delicious eight high-flying, suitcase-squishing hours later. Seriously: terroir! The air, the water, the wheat: it was a great baguette.
  • House perfumey stuff (the kind that’s a bottle of perfumed liquid with those reed diffusers)—Paris really is the place to buy perfume. This stuff smells fantastic and is making the house more Continental as we speak. Also covering up the cat box stink quite nicely.
  • Hotel stationery and “this magazine thing I found outside a salon with ideas for hairstyles. I thought you’d especially like the ones for kids.” Yeah, he knows me pretty well.
  • An addiction to one Eliza Doolittle, who is apparently all over Europe. Cute, no?
  • Tons of packs of the chewable adult-strength aspirin (Disprin!) that doesn’t exist in the US, vital for a non-pill swallower like me and difficult to buy in bulk since you can make meth with it. Fun times ahead: meth, and no headaches!
  • One lovely pendant charm-type necklace, bought in a “Brooklynesque boutique” and featuring a beautiful old skeleton key: “Because I know you wear the knife around your neck to symbolize your career, and the hanger to symbolize your politics, but I thought the key could symbolize the other facet of your life that you’re trying to figure out now–it’s a key to the more balanced person you’re working on becoming. It’s a key to whatever you want it to be!”

I KNOW. YOU JUST DIED. I KNOW. He’s the perfect man, OK? The fucking perfect man. It’s RIDICULOUS. All I can do is make him his favorite food until he bursts and hope my endless foul-mouthed whining doesn’t taint his new-fallen snow perfection. Our relationship is vastly unequal.

Man, that hanger is beat up.

Oh also, there was this:

As it turns out, he was asking because “well…there was a Betsey Johnson boutique near my hotel, and it had a sale sign, and I remembered you liked that Betsey Johnson dress you got in Hawaii [$2!!!! Hawaii thrift stores, DON'T GET ME STARTED!], but…well….”

“Ah. A Betsey Johnson ‘sale’.”

“Yeah. Everything was still a couple hundred dollars.”

Yikes! How cute is it that he looked, though?

So, my saner half is home.

And we watched Mad Men. Even though I had to pinch him to keep him awake [see above: he is perfect, I am ridiculous to him.]. Here’s my explosive Facebook status about it:

CHRIST ON A CRACKER! JUDAS PRIEST! HELL’S BELLS!! [Friend x], you were so right, the past two Mad Mens have blown me away with amazingness. I jumped on the bed for sheer joy for five minutes after the most recent one. Show me a TV show set in present day that has a serious dyke on it like there is on MM right now–I mean COME ON!!! I’m dying! Not at my desk though!

And then Veronica, my former sous chef/homeschooled genius/knower of all things, informed me that said on-screen dyke (Zosia Mamet, who had a wee part in The Kids Are Alright, though we shan’t speak of that again) is DAVID MAMET’S DAUGHTER and I started jumping on the bed all over again. How can nepotistic casting annoy when it’s just so perfect?

As usual, Tom & Lorenzo’s analysis is beautiful, perfect, eye-opening, and mind-blowing. My god. My god!!!

I sort of think it was the best episode of any TV show I’ve ever seen, EVER.

Maybe a tie with M*A*S*H’s “Dreams.” Seriously! For serious. For reals. Heart is still pounding!

It gave me such hope for humanity—seriously.

I recently had a “why would I watch these unpleasant people” conversation with a Green Party grandma who came up in the 60s and sports Converse shoes and a pot-leaf ring to this day. She started watching Mad Men, but couldn’t do it. She said: “It is really real with its sexism, antisemitism, general racism, materialism, etc etc etc—all the stuff I had to live through so probably why I don’t want to relive it.”

I fumblingly tried to explain the appeal for me: because it’s a story about freedom that transcends time. Because it shows us how far we’ve come, and that we haven’t come far at all. Because it’s pretty. Because I like Joan (that old racist homophobe clotheshorse—she gets me every time). Because I want to be Peggy. Because I feel like Don Draper more than I want to admit. (My entire approach to my childhood is what he said to Peggy in season one: “Peggy listen to me. Get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.)

So that was Mad Men.

And another cute thing happened recently to lift my mood, and, hey, it’s something that fits in perfectly with the theme of this week’s Mad Men: sisterhood.

The facts of the case are these:

  • I collect tacky/awesome vintage embroideries.
  • A woman who lives two blocks from me and is almost exactly my size (always a plus when vintage shopping!) and deals in vintage clothes that she used to sell out of her garage recently opened an actual shop, Judy Go Vintage, two minutes from my kitchen. I pass by it every single day and have yet to go in, because I know it would suck me in for the rest of eternity. You, however, should go. And if you can’t go, yay for Etsy!
  • Judy had, a year or so ago when last I checked in with her, an AMAZING embroidery of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers. You know the one I mean: sunflowers. Embroidered. Actually, it’s mostly crewelwork, even better. I have long coveted it, but it was a bit out of my bargain hunter’s price range. It was also FRAMED EXACTLY LIKE THE PAINTING. Like: GILT. Needless to say, I think about it a million times a day and have talked about it to everyone I know.
  • My friend M. is currently moving, which of course entails shedding some stuff. She brought some clothes in to Judy Go Vintage and accumulated a credit. Not wanting to acquire more clothes before a move (thus clearly possessing more strength than I will ever have), an inquiry was made which M. tells me went like this:
  • “Hey, do you have an embroidery of the Van Gogh Sunflowers painting?”
  • “Yeah, I do!”
  • “Oh cool. My friend is sort of obsessed with it.”
  • “Oh yeah, I know her. Dark hair, about my size? Yep.”
  • Exchanges were made, and when M. pulled up to the kitchen and told me to turn around and close my eyes and pulled a huge embroidered painting out of her trunk, I just about died.
  • {pix to come, obvs!!!}

So.

Just to tie all this rambling to my issues as of late: it’s been a hard week. Few weeks. Few months, actually. The whole year has been, as Holden Caulfield would have put it, pretty crumby, if you really want to know about it. Nothing bad has happened exactly in my life, but my head has been a weird, overstuffed, sweaty place. As I keep mentioning, I’m climbing my way out of some bad habits I’ve developed, and it’s been tough. Obsessions and compulsions, that kind of stuff. Control. Perfectionism. (Just writing those two words gives me a frission of pleasure: Control. Perfectionism. Yum.) I love my bad habits so much, it’s been rough to admit that I’ve got to tamp them down a bit, give them a bit of air.

But I am. I’m moving, slowly, from Holden Caulfield-esque whining to more of a Zooey/Seymour Glass/Teddy-esque Zen thing these days (um…minus the [spoiler alert about books published 50 years ago that, now that I think about it, the aforementioned friend M. hasn't yet read, so STOP READING NOW, M!] suicides). I’ve got Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind on my nightstand as we speak. I am working hard on emptying my head, letting my thoughts settle like a clear mountain stream, letting things go.

And now I’ve got my little team of sanity [sweet boyfriend, amazing girlfriends, Matthew Weiner, you know] nestled all around me, and I think it’s going to be just fine. In time. And with work.

Do you believe babies are born with perfect, unfuckedup little heads? I wonder. Getting back to the original mind—what a project.

 

Ms. Magazine….what….is….happening…here….????? (updated) August 25, 2010

Filed under: i heart feminists,Mad Men is so rad I just might die — lagusta @ 12:27 am

I have flour all over my hands from making homemade pasta, but this CANNOT WAIT. I can’t even wash my hands.

Did you read the Ms. Magazine recent article on Mad Men? I didn’t, because I don’t read Ms. because IT’S SUCH A STUPID MAGAZINE. I find it ludicrously out of touch and….just idiotic. But this little blog post saying that…oh god, I think it’s SERIOUSLY saying that WEARING VINTAGE CLOTHES MEANS YOU CAN’T BE A FEMINIST. I mean…I mean…I mean….

No words.

I’ll come back here and take down the breathtaking stupidity in more detail later on, but for now, here’s the link.

One thought to ponder: do you think Ms. understands that PORTRAYING something doesn’t mean ENDORSING it?

HOLY HELL, SISTERS.

Oh god and they ACTUALLY SAY THAT PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THE SHOW AND WANTING TO BE BETTY AND NOT PEGGY. (“Thanks to its pervasive impact on pop culture, the show is crafting a whole new generation of would-be Bettys (Draper’s stylish wife) not Peggys (the show’s ambitious “career girl”).”) Um….show me someone. Seriously.

!!!!

????

!!!

????

!!!!!!!!!!!

I am having heart palpitations. Orecchiette is boiling, must go. Where’s my nitroglycerine, I’m having a feminist heart attack. Computer so floury…oh god oh god.

PS three days later: Hey, Alternet has a dumb article about MM too. My god, THE LEFT! Alternet has been my homepage for 10 years or so, and…well, this is a post for another day, methinks. Again I am at work taking a 5 minute smokeinternet break, and have no time to unleash my marvellous intellect at the MM haterz. Soon, soon, someday, I will right all this wrongness…

 

Monday (Mostly Mad Men) Miscellany August 24, 2010

Yep, it’s Tuesday. What are you going to do about it?

Some bits of interesting flotsam culled from here and there lately:

Marcel the Shell. It’s just on the razor’s edge of so cute it literally hurts, tooth-gnashingly, I-sort-of-want-to-smash-you-to-pieces-because-you’re-so-cute cute, but it falls just on the right side, I think. It’s a wee video voiced and co-written by Jenny Slate, from SNL.

Yo yo yo. Um, I finally saw Wendy and Lucy, which I thought we talked about when I made that list of feminist films…but now that I think about it, I guess it was a Facebook discussion, since there’s no mention of it there (but hey, what a great list!). WOW. Really good, but I had no idea it would be the most depressing move I’ve seen all year. I’m really glad I saw it and loved it on a deep level, but it probably wasn’t the best movie to watch while making chocolates.

Fall is coming, and here’s a scarf-tying guide.

I’ve been unhappy lately. Whatever, it happens. I’m doing some good/hard/awful personal work trying to figure out why this is and what I can do about it. It’s good. I think I’ve identified most of the causes (have I ever mentioned on this blog that my childhood was horrible and set me up for all kinds of fucked-up-ness later in life? Yes? Well, still, allow me to go on for the next month nonstop about it. See, basically, because things were so chaotic and out of control, I became obsessed with order and perfectionism—wait. You don’t live in my household. Maybe I’ll spare you the pain, since I can’t give you kisses and ice cream and tasty meals to make it up to you later.) and am diving into the wreck, as it were to figure out how to solve some of my issues. Fun times. Anyway, when I watched this video, all I could think was: she looks so happy. And I’ve since learned that this is some roundabout commercial for Apple, but still. It’s nice to watch people who look happy. Even if maybe they are paid to look happy with sweatshop dollars.

Christoper Walken filled in for Leonard Lopate on WNYC this week (!!!), and his interview (really more of a conversation) with the chef Lidia Bastianich and her mother (!!) was so beautiful, it nearly gave me chills. Such a New York City-specific beauty was conveyed…man oh man. Segments like this are why I will never start listening to WAMC, the dreadful local NPR affiliate, and am thankful for internet streaming, so I can be surrounded by the excellent WNYC all day.

All the rest are Mad Men-related:

The Project Rungay boys, who I’ve loved for a while because of their Project Runway coverage, have been writing about Mad Men forever and somehow I’ve been missing it. Here’s the link to all of it. Sit down with some nice tea and blow your mind wide open.

More Mad Men.

More more Mad Men.

No, I am not getting bored with Mad Men.

A toast to you, internet.

Lagusta Pauline

 

hump day link dump, chumps! the pump don’t work because the vandals took the handles! sake! August 5, 2010

Here’s some stuff. And an outfit! A blurry one! You can’t tell, but my hair is all Heidi-style! Themes, yo. Themes. I am into themes. Today’s was twee.

Oh, I have another painfully twee outfit–that weirdo dress, remember? I’ve got a lot, but the difference between my fuck-you mouth and my painfully cute outfits sometimes shocks people too much, so I have to regulate the tweeification so as not to kill people with the contradictory nature of the universe.

OK, let’s talk about real things now. For reals! Sometimes the world just sucks and all you have is outfits, you know? Not this week though. This week I’m just being superficial. It’s been a pretty good week.

(Why yes, I am having an end-of-night-and-it’s-90-degrees-in-here icy yuzu sake beverage, how can you tell?)

First of all I’ve got to beg you to vote for my little company in this VegNews poll-y thingy. Thank you! Look, there’s an icon & everything!

Peeps, are you watching Louie? My god. Mr. Lagusta is watching it over my shoulder as I click-clack. So good! I’ve been watching each episode on a loop at work. Awesomeness.

The people who make the jeans I like have a blog post about sharks that is cool. SHARKS!

Not Sark—sharks!

Remember in high school when we (maybe just me?) thought Sark’s weirdo handwritten rainbowy books were so deep and thoughtful? Oh, Sark. Good for you! Not my scene anymore, but good on ya. Eat mangoes naked! Almost a triple rainbow! Mixing pop-culture references!

Moving on. Shall we start talking about Mad Men? I just got caught up and am still all tingly in all my special parts. When I get a chance, I’m going to pore over this and this and this and more links that maybe you will point me to so I can get my think on. For now Peggy’s new hairstyle and that pink dress Joan was wearing when she was in Roger’s whiteout office has me on such a cloud that I’m not capable of anything more. Oh, and how great was THIS?

Here’s a good post on how to do what you know you need to do: get your attention span back.

I’m pretty convinced someone in my life has Asperger’s Syndrome, and thus I was interested in this link all about how to help a friend with autism navigate the wild world of Facebook. Pretty fascinating stuff.

Pretty pretty pretty.

Two great things happened this week: even though marriage is for idiots, now gay idiots can get married in CA, and yay for that. You knew that happened, though, so why am I even mentioning it? To be all avant-garde and holier-than-thou, of course!

The second is that the NY State senate passed a moratorium on fracking—yay! All those annoying phone calls paid off! It still needs to be passed by the assembly though. And even then it’s just the first of many, many steps.

Something to add to my someday-to-be-written veg dining guide to the H-to-the-V: dudes, why had no one ever told me about the taco place with homemade tortillas and oodles of veggie options run by a Chinese family who moved up from the city right next to Vassar before? You’ve got to tell me these things!

OK, is that it? My watered down yuzu sake is about done. Anything happening in your world?

Hey, can you tell me how to get people’s blog posts in my email even when their blog doesn’t have that little box saying “yo yo yo, like, give me your email and I will drop my blog posts right to your inbox, mofo!”? Google just mumbles something about RSS feeds that I don’t understand when I ask.

But if you’re torn between voting in the VegNews poll and telling me how to make that happen, mos def pick the former.

Go forth!

Seriously: worst cat mom ever.

 

things that have happened May 18, 2010

Dear internet,

So many things we haven’t talked about.

The world is ending in about a hundred ways more than usual, and I’ve been assiduously ignoring it, at least on this little corner of the internet. I’m sure you’re all appropriately depressed/ragey/panicked about oil spills, homophobic gay politicians, Goldman Sachs, Kate Hudson’s breast implants (which, to be honest, are depressing me out of all proportion), Noam Chomsky being denied entry into Israel (Best quote ever: “In a telephone interview with Channel 10, Chomsky said the interrogators had told him he had written things that the Israeli government did not like. ‘I suggested [the interrogator try to] find any government in the world that likes anything I say,’ he said.”) , Arizona, Arizona, Arizona, Arizona, whether or not Supreme Court justices are allowed to have sex, etc ad nauseum.

In lieu of talking about all that, here’s some less interesting and much less useful crap that’s been happening in my head.

*

I listened to Sarah Silverman’s new book while cooking this week and totally adored it. Out of all proportion to its awesomeness, perhaps. I think I had low expectations because I don’t really share her toiletty humor. I’d forgotten that everything else about her I madly madly adore. It was funny, (obviously), feminist (obviously), and way more witty and radical and full of heart than I expected. Awesome.

*

Then, Audible.com suggested that I listen to David Cross’s newish book next and, adoring Tobias Fünke like any other sane person, I used up a valuable audible book credit on it, which I instantly realized was a major mistake. I like his comedy, his atheism, his hardcore individualism, and his voice, but the book was completely fluff. I should have read the reviews first. I expected autobiography (it’s called “I Drink for a Reason,” after all), but I got rough draft monologues repeating themes of his I’ve heard over and over. Meh. (Parenthetically [though do you really think it's OK to say "parenthetically" if you're in parentheses?? Oh! Now I have to put on "Parentheses"!] I also think David Cross would be sort of a dick to hang out with, don’t you? I wish that didn’t matter to me. Alas. Jacob once got an offer to tour manage some comedy tour he was on, but he couldn’t do it and now I will probably never know the truth about him and am reduced to slandering him on the internet.)

Happily, I have the Virginia Woolf bio written by Nigel Nicolson (son of Virginia’s lover Vita Sackville-West!) ready to go for next week. Phew.

*

Also I wore really awesome outfits this week—three great outfit days in a row, isn’t that the best feeling? One of them was basically this outfit, which caused bootie-hating Brittany to tease me unrepentantly (though she did repent in the end! I win!). Actually, I literally wore a melange of things on that page: jean short shorts, an awesome black XL shirt I sewed into an awesome little long shirt/short dress, and yummy grey heeley ankle booties I got at, of course, Cow Jones! It was awesome awesome.

I didn’t take any outfit pix this week because the app on my phone that used to allow me to set a timer on the camera so I could take outfit photos myself magically disappeared and I feel so idiotic when I ask Jacob to take a picture of my outfits that I almost don’t want to live, so just use your imagination.

Eew, that was sort of creepy. Don’t use your imagination.

Maybe I should just delete this weird paragraph.

*

The New Paltz School Board election is today, and I have a lot of thoughts, all of which are useless after the polls close tonight, so I will skip that whole fiasco, which I truly believe it is because why is it that no matter how teeny tiny the election, every politician, no matter how unprofessional or new to the game, automatically knows how to NEVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ANY ISSUE THAT VOTERS TRULY CARE ABOUT? You should have read the corporate doublespeak that these people were spewing out. “Community-building,” “track record of problem solving,” “balancing the needs of the schools and the community” “outreach” “THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX” (screams all mine), OK, fine. But do you think kids should be given condoms so that when they fuck, which they ARE, they don’t get pregnant or STDs, and do you admit that DARE doesn’t work, and will you work to reform the fucked up property tax system that’s killing all of us even though I know you really don’t have power to change it, and do you think school administrators make too much and janitors make too little, and and and. Truly astonishing. I posted a few questions about the DARE program and condoms in schools to the Facebook page of one of the candidates, Bob Rich, and not only was it not answered, it was removed!

But he’ll win anyway. Grr.

My mom did the one of the cats doing a 69 when she was a kid.

*

Holy shit. I thought my tortie cat Cleo was sitting on my lap, then she hopped up on the desk and before I realized that actually it was all-black Sula sitting there all along I got super freaked out like Cleo had replicated or something. Phew. Scary. Now I’m trying to get them both to sit in the chair with me, via the time-tested finger wiggly method. Hard work happening over here!

*

There are also two GIANT HUGE things happening behind the scenes in my life, neither of which I can publicly discuss (one of which I’ve already whined about) and the wait to see how they are both going to go down is absolutely killing me. And no, I’m not pregnant or getting married, you sick fuck.

*

Just sneezed.

No cats on lap.

*

The Mad Men website has all these awesome behind the scenes clips you can watch while you’re so highly anticipating the new season!!!

*

[Insert long rant about WHY THE FUCK AM I WATCHING THIS HULU SHOW CALLED "IF I CAN DREAM"? IT IS THE MOST FUCKED-UP THING I HAVE YET TO LAY MY POOR TIRED JADED EYEBALLS ON AND I THINK IT IS KILLING MY VERY SOUL YET I CANNOT NOT WATCH IT BECAUSE IT GETS DELIVERED TO MY DAMN HULU QUEUE EVERY DAMN WEEK AND WHEN YOU'RE JUST SITTING THERE CHOPPING ONIONS IT APPEARS YOU WILL WATCH ANYTHING OH MY GOD SOMEONE HELP ME THE CORPORATE TIE INS AND ED HARDY CLOTHES AND WRIST CUFFS AND MEN WEARING PINKY RINGS AND HAIR GEL AND BULLSHIT WAY THE POOR KIDS WHO JUST WANT TO LIVE OUT THEIR DUMB LITTLE DREAMS OF BEING SUPERMODELS ARE LIONS THROWN INTO THE GIANT MAW OF LOS ANGELES DOUCHITUDE AND THE WHOLE THING IS BURNING ME ALIVE FROM THE INSIDE OUT AND I'M ON FIRE HELP HELP HELP HELP here]

*

Yeah, I made that one with the black cat. Yep.

You’ve all read The Sexual Politics of Meat, right? Remember the image on the cover? Prepare to die when you see this. My pal Marla pointed it out to me, and I half want to paste it to Carol Adams’ Facebook wall, but can’t bring myself to break it to such a hero of mine that the world she works for all day every day has come to this.

OK, I’m off to vote and then eat Indian food.

Love and other indoor sports,

Lagusta Pauline

 

Mad Men randoms August 14, 2009

Part four in a four-part series. Part One is here, Part Two is here, and Part Three is here!

To wrap up, here are random and disjointed thoughts about other characters and themes:

I have a few quickie points about Midge, Don’s quote unquote bohemian mistress from season one.

2007_mad_men_003

What Mad Men constantly evokes for me is all that isn’t being shown—the wildnesses on the edge of 1960s society. The free women, the real artists. Not the false dichotomy between society women and faux-liberated beatnik gamines, but the true radicals, of which there were plenty even before the “second wave” of feminism in the late 1960s. I want to watch a show about that world!

It seems that Midge is supposed to represent that world, but, sadly, I’d put her squarely into the faux-liberated beatnik gamine category.

Her “free-spiritedness” is largely exemplified by the fact that instead of being kept by one man, she sleeps with and accepts presents from many. I can’t decide if the writers truly think she is freewheeling, or if, like practically everyone else, she is living in a cage of her own making, albeit one with yet more invisible bars.

I’m not very impressed by her cheesy declarations of independence and token rejections of the bourgeois system: “You know the rules,” she tells Don. “I don’t make plans, and I don’t make breakfast.” Which doesn’t mean that she isn’t always ready for missionary sex with whatever man comes along.

Still though, I love all the beatnicky scenes, but mostly because they are so cringey and clichéd. Of course they didn’t seem clichéd at the time, but the retrospective treatment of that world is just hilarious, is it not? How great was that hep cat girl’s poem about making love to Fidel Castro with Nikita Kruschev watching, and how spot-on was it when a hipster dude responded with “take off your shirt!” Oh, it was just the most perfect exemplification of the sexual politics of 1960s bohemian culture.

Delicious.

Horrid.

The classic Mad Men mixture!

OK, and finally, our girl, Peggy.

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Peter: “It’s so easy for you.”
Peggy: “It’s not easy for anyone.”

It’s pretty obvious, but Peggy is the woman we’re supposed to like, root for, and, if you’re me, see yourself in. She’s the only one you feel will triumph in the end. In six months or a year or so, she will own that office. She bravely gives up the baby she secretly had with Misogynist-in-Chief Peter to focus on her career (Throughout most of the second season until she finally divulges the secret to Peter, Don is the only one in the office who knows her secret, and tells her: “Listen. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.”).

Throughout the first two seasons, Peggy begins to learn that, like Joan, she must play the game in order to win. In season two, episode six, “Maidenform,” when she dresses up to go to the strip club we see that she is learning how to navigate the boy’s club in a horrible way, the only way open to her at the time. On the other hand and unlike Joan, we get the sense that soon she will be whatever the fuck she wants and pulling in all the big accounts. The heartwarming message: Smart girls win!

Um…what else? Some random points:

  • There’s some serious Sexual Politics of Meat happening in Peter’s speech about hunting in Season One, Episode 7, no? If I had the stamina, I would point it all out, but perhaps instead I’ll just point out:
  • DSCF6232
  • And that pretty much says it all.
  • Speaking of ickiness: The not-so-sexy junior executives. The older guys are the sexy ones in this drama, not the young things. Yet, amazingly, it doesn’t work the other way: it is primarily the younger women who are the sex kittens and bombshells. This is not exactly a new or surprising dynamic, but I point it out only to show how profoundly crude and horrid the junior execs are. As Kinsey says in the pilot episode: “You’ve got to let them know what kind of guy you are, so they’ll know what kind of girl to be.” The process of becoming an adult male in the Mad Men universe is the process of couching your intense misogyny in softer words and learning discretion, which all of the older executives understand.
  • Some of the older men are so discreet that they do things like, for example, throw their dogs into the midtown Manhattan street to fend for themselves so they do not have to witness their drunken binges (season two, episode six).
  • Hey, what do you peeps think is the significance of the scene when Don writes the real Mrs. Draper’s address on the last page of The Sound and the Fury, which his lover has described as “the sex scenes are good”? I can’t remember The Sound and the Fury, but I’m sure it means something.

So, that’s about all I’ve got for now. We’ve got our nihilistic men and our yearning, feminism-needing women, and I’m just dying for season three to see how it all plays out.

The central question Mad Men leaves me with is (and the way I think it translates to our lives today):

Are we more free than our parents and grandparents were? Are we living more honest and real lives now, after the second wave of feminism and the tumult of the late 1960s and now that we’re so postmodern and self-aware?

Some of us are, and some aren’t, of course. But it does seem to me that even those of us living dreadful, dishonest and fake lives now at least have more of an option to be free. Opportunity is the buzzword of the oughts.

Deprived of beautifully made dresses and furniture, what will we do with our golden opportunities, our one chance to live beautifully and freely?

 

So Much Woman: Mad Men’s Betty and Joan August 12, 2009

Part Three in my four-part series all about MM! Part One is here, and Part Two is here.

Please note: spoilers abound!

Let’s talk about Betty, our pre-Feminine Mystique Betty Friedan (Google it, kiddos).

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Hot Stud Potential-but-Thwarted Young Lover: “You’re so profoundly sad.”
Betty: “You’re wrong….I’m grateful.”

Oh, Bets.
I know we are supposed to have trouble watching her, but she makes me feel so nervous I practically get a stomach cramp every time she comes on screen. I’ve decided there are three reasons for this:

  • I have a personal issue where I have trouble respecting women who truly want, more than anything, the wife-&-mother life (and let’s be clear: feminism or no, this is what Betty wants with her entire heart, no matter how empty she knows it to be. She might want to be a part-time model as well, but I see that as a way to reaffirm her place in the society of perfect housewives: being a model means you have won the beauty battle.).
  • I never have much sympathy for characters stuck in their time periods. The story of women during her time period is a much-told one, and an important one, but I still want her to transcend her situation, you know?
  • Related: January Jones seems to always be overacting by just a fraction—which might be perfect for the character since she seems always to be acting, badly, in the role of a happy white heterosexual housewife. (Her much vaunted “you look just like Grace Kelly” looks aren’t quite my style, either, sorry!)
  • And, primarily, her character breaks my heart because she is just the most devastating character maybe ever to be portrayed on television since the beginning of time.

So it guess it makes sense that she makes me feel so nervous and sad.

It seems that she is growing up throughout the show, but her coming into adulthood is not a victory exactly. She is a sweet, vapid person who wants a traditional life and is realizing that the hard world she lives in will not give that to her. Thus, she slowly learns to play the rules of the game.

Betty and Don are our two primary protagonists (though I’d argue forcefully that Peggy—Oh, I’m biting my lip with anticipation until I can start rambling about my deep, deep love for Peggy! On, PEGGY!—is the true hero of the show), and as such the embody my two theses about the show: Don is our Chief Executive Nihilist, and Betty is our Chief Heart, and needs feminism more than anyone else. Betty has feelings; Don has actions.

They are the stereotypical 1950s (I should say here that when I say 1950s I mean the period roughly from 1950-1963, because I mark the end of the 1950s with when the Beatles came to the US. Seasons One and Two of Mad Men take place in 1960-1962, I believe) couple to a dizzying degree: the woman has emotions, children, and dresses, and the man makes money, drinks liquor, cheats on his wife, and is unable to feel a thing. Again, it would be passé and cliché if it wasn’t portrayed with such a heartbreaking and unsparing attention to what, exactly, this means.

It would also be unbearable if the show were only about them. Because we have a half-dozen or so other well-developed characters, their somewhat trite characters don’t get stale.

Joan.

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“She’s so much woman”

Joan.
Joan.
Joan.
Joan.
First, let’s just look at her ass, OK?

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As I said, I’m not the most avid TV watcher, but I know of no other zaftig woman who is an overt sex symbol other than Joan. Am I right?

Let us be clear: Joan’s ass is not here to titillate us. It is here to remind us of several things:

  • WTF with women being so skinny on TV these days and how fucking gorgeous is Christina Hendricks?
  • Joan’s entire purpose in life is to use her sex appeal to get what she needs in order to survive.
  • How awesome are Joan’s clothes, I mean, really?

So: Joan.

Joan is the who understands, with absolute, brilliant certainly, the world she lives in, and she has made the decision to win at the horrid game of life without changing any of the rules.

Joan can never question the misogynist nature of her universe (oh, Mad Men writers! Prove me wrong!), she can only strive to rise to the highest paid position any woman in a woman-hating society can achieve: Queen of Whores. She is bought and kept by every man in the office, sometimes quite literally, and she is absolutely aware of this. She very ably wrings every bit of power she can out of this explosively powerful dynamic. There is nothing Joan won’t do to maintain her place on the hierarchy, and can you blame her?

(On the other hand, because of her actual and perceived intense sex appeal and sexual history, she suffers from the hardship of being a girl with a “history,” ultimately culminating in her fiancé raping her in Don’s office in order to reclaim power over her she felt was taken away she dared to climb on top of him during sex ["Where'd you learn that from?"].)

Joan is the exception that proves my thesis: through her absolute adherence to the nihilistic/fascistic (the two would seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum, but I’d like to throw out the idea that in Mad Men they are almost the same thing—do you feel me? There’s a sort of fascistic adherence to nihilistic meaningless.) system in which she finds herself, she is queen.
She is, at root, a fucking amazing portrayal of women’s false choices in the early 1960s.

Her heart—well, I have no idea.

Well, I have one idea. We see exactly one flash of her heart:

“I’ve never had your job,” Joan tells Peggy when she comes to her for advice about her new responsibilities as a junior copywriter. “I’ve never wanted it. You’re in their country. Learn to speak the language.” This is what she wants us to believe: that she has no knowledge of or interest in the world of men’s work.

But when she spies a job she does want and is good at outside of her office management duties—albeit perhaps the most girlie office job imaginable: reading television scripts to check for marketing opportunities and clashes—and it is taken from her and given to a man, she feels the sting. Her face clouds over for just a second, and that is enough to break our hearts.

When relations end with her longtime office lover, the silver fox Roger Sterling, he moves to the next woman in line, the aptly named and equally (though completely differently) sexy receptionist Jane. Jane/Joan, what’s the difference, in the end? Roger purports to have fallen in love with Jane (who is, of course, at least 20 years his junior), but we know that it is Joan he truly fell in love with, and he will be trying his entire life to transfer his feelings to Jane.

I sort of think of Joan as our canary in the coal mine, the one who shows us just exactly how fucked up the Mad Men universe is. The glee that she gets in Season 2, Episode 10 out of telling Kinsey, her former paramour (as she puts it when showing Peggy around the office for the first time in Season 1, Episode 1: “Hopefully if you follow my lead, you can avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made here.” [Kinsey walks by and leers “Hello Joan.”]. “Like that one.”) that he can’t go on a coveted trip to LA after she has been wounded by the knowledge that he has taken up with a new woman is shocking: When the only thing that makes you feel better is petty sniping and backstabbing, what a horrid world you are in.

Similarly, when her roommate nakedly tells her that she is in love with her, she literally pretends not to hear, and takes her out to pick up older men she forcefully brings back to their apartment. Le sigh.

Joan breaks my heart much harder than Betty, for sure, because Joan is the smartest bitch on the whole show (I’d argue that Peggy is more clever, but not smarter). Betty simpers her way through her days, crumpling and failing and trying to get her hands to work, while Joan gets up every morning, puts on her industrial, backbreaking undergarments (the scene [Season Two, Episode Eight] in which she rubs her shoulders, deeply creased with bra strap lines, almost moves me to tears*) continually steels herself for another day in the piranha cage. She’s up for it, always. No matter what the consequences. I want to kidnap her and make her live with me on a desert island where we read Shulamith Firestone and talk about how to tie a scarf in the absolute most jaunty fashion.

*And the parallel of that scene in Season Two, Episode Six “Maidenform,” where the perfectly anachronistic The Decemberists’ “The Infanta” plays while Betty, Joan, and Peggy get dressed, is probably my favorite in the entire series. The tenderness the show lavishes on them—a tenderness they never show themselves, with the possible exception of Peggy in later episodes—as it unflinchingly depicts the layers of grooming necessary for women at the time just kills me. There is so much more to say about that episode, actually, but my bottle of wine is almost done and I’m losing steam, so why don’t you talk about it in the comments?

 

“What you call ‘love,’ men like me invented to sell nylons”: Don Draper and the Nihilistic Sensibility of Mad Men August 12, 2009

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Oh my. Oh, my. Oh…..my. That furrowed brow!

Part Two in my four-part series all about Mad Men! (Read Part One here before you read this).

Hey, please be aware that there are spoilers galore in here. In case you’re not caught up (Mary! Veronica!), you might want to avert your eyes.

That said, let’s get into it!

So, I truly believe that Mad Men is the most feminist show on TV right now, and though I say that without actually owning a TV, I think I Hulu and Netflix enough to know what’s out there, and I’m pretty confident in that statement. Saying that that Mad Men is the most feminist show on TV is not saying much, but it’s saying something, for sure. Right?

The mistake, it seems to me, is thinking that the drinking and smoking and capitalist crap and sexual anxieties the show depicts in are its true point, when in fact the true point is the fragility and deep-down horror of the world the characters inhabit.

So, let’s start at the beginning, with our broken down anti-hero, our sexy sexy, dead-inside unreliable narrator, our little boy John Galt, our living, breathing Howard Roark, requisite white skin and square jaw and the whole package (double entendre intended): Don [swoon] Draper.

“What you call ‘love,’ men like me invented to sell nylons.” – Don Draper.

Oh, Don, you and your catchphrases!

Beatnik: “[Ad men are] Perpetuating the lie—how do you sleep at night?”
Don Draper: “On a bed made of money.”

[Oh, speaking of that point: Please be aware that yes, of course this anarcho-feminist believes that advertising executives are scum of the earth. I’m not a capitalist and have a trizillion problems with the advertising-dependent capitalist system. But while capitalism is of course the backdrop to Mad Men and informs its themes and provides much ironic thematic fun (and real money for the network), Mad Men, it seems to me, is primarily about hearts. So I decided not to get into a meta-analysis of how the inherent horribleosities with capitalism problematize all layers of the show. Ya dig?]

So, Don.
Remember my thesis about Mad Men?

“-It’s about feminism.
-It’s about nihilism.

Specifically: how a heartbreaking devotion to the latter held back the former. And: how that changed.”

Thus, Don is our chief nihilist: perpetually pushing away any troubling signs of morality (season two, episode eleven: “Why would you deny yourself something you want?”), mortality, or everyday reality in order to continue to….to, what, exactly?

What is the purpose of Don’s life? We’re all trying to figure it out with him. It certainly isn’t to have the typical late-1950s, early 1960s existence: good job, lovely home, wife, and children, because though his surface charms have easily attracted all these things, he spends most of his days ignoring, destroying, or fleeing from them.

In his most ham-fisted moment, his soliloquy in the pilot episode, Don tells his paramour-to-be, the Jewess (this most un p.c. word so perfectly suits how most other characters think of her) businesswoman Rachel Menken, “I’m living like there’s no tomorrow. Because there isn’t one.”

Isn’t that nice for him.

It seems to me that most of the male characters share a similar set of values—and if they don’t, and they make the ultimate mistake of caring for something besides their own immediate happiness and material success–they are severely punished (when Kinsey goes down South to register black voters, it is made clear that he is going not because he truly has a political consciousness, but because his girlfriend is black and wants to go, and because he believes it will elevate his status around the office, because to truly believe in civil rights would be to show weakness—a crack in the nihilism aesthetic.).

[One quick overly long bracketed note about that—this incident represents the entirety of racial politics on the show. I hope later seasons will delve into the intense civil rights issues of the era, because right now the racial politics of Mad Men are notable mostly for their absence---which is probably as it should be in a Madison Avenue office building in 1961. I hope that as the civil rights movement heats up, it will spill onto the show.

Hey, while I’m in this bracket o’ marginalization, I should state that (what is now called) GLBTQ issues are quite satisfyingly covered in the personages of Salvatore, a closeted gay guy of the older generation whose world is turn apart when the painfully young (and European) Kurt casually explains to the office that “I make love with the men, not the women.” Around the same time a nice fag hag dynamic is put into place with Peggy and Kurt and things start to look rosy for the younger generation. Not so for Salvatore, however, whose sad attempts to brush off potential d/l lovers as well as nervous assertions of his straightness are truly heartbreaking (see the pilot episode: after lovingly caressing an ad sketch he did of a shirtless man posing with a cigarette and stating that “My neighbor posed for that…he always looks very relaxed.” He {unconvincingly} tells Don that he doesn’t want to go to a bachelor party at a strip club because “If a girl’s going to shake it in my face, I want to be alone so I can do something about it.”)

And now I’m finished offensively sidelining all non-feminist issues!]

One of the reasons I am so in love with Mad Men is that the show refuses to simply explore the world of handsome men destroying the world: it peels back the curtain to show us the wreckage that nihilism leaves behind: the carelessly broken hearts, the dead-eyed stares and ruined homes. It takes what could be the most boring and clichéd topic imaginable and blows the roof off it to show us its horrible guts. In many ways it’s a crime show: we can’t turn away from the wreckage because it is filmed so tenderly and in such detail.

Anyway, by the end of the second season with the dramatic backdrop of the Cuban missile crisis, this point (“I’m living like there’s no tomorrow. Because there isn’t one.”) is driven home over and over: the end is near, perpetually. Nothing matters, nothing makes a difference. If it weren’t for the heart-stoppingly gorgeous sets and hairstyles and clothes, the show would be bleak beyond redemption, particularly toward the end of the second season, when everything feels like it’s sliding to a horrid stop.

Let’s back up a little though.

Don. He’s not a total nihilist, he has some sort of decalogue, and the flashes of it that occasionally peek out give us hope and keep him stringing us along and not writing him off as a beautiful, fucked-up-beyond-redemption human being. (For example, when his colleague Freddy Rumsen is so drunk at work that he pisses in his pants, he is angry at the way others in the office ridicule him.)

Particularly toward the end of Season Two, I think the writers’ are trying to show us that he is trying to fumble his way to some sort of authentic life. In season two, episode six, I think we are meant to see that perhaps Don is beginning to have a small awareness of the kind of world he is leaving his daughter—he has left a lover (Bobbie Barrett) tied up in a hotel room (this trope is so played out—I don’t even watch pornos and I can think of like four movies where the old “leaving your lover tied to the hotel bed” — is trotted out, argh.) when she admitted that she had bragged about his sexual prowess to another of his former paramours.

That’s all well and good, I suppose, but I think that he’s not trying that hard—I think he’s just having another set of experiences, still living like there’s no tomorrow. I’m not sure he is capable of becoming, as they would start to say a half-decade or so after the season is set, a fully actualized person. He’s a beautiful manikin, and I just want to watch him woodenly move through the world, with his cigarettes and beautiful clothes.

More than any other character I’ve ever seen on TV, he knows we’re watching, too (appropriately, there is literally a stage in the main office, where all characters must enter and exit.). He does everything he does for us, because he’s incapable of acting in a truly authentic way—because he literally has no authenticity. As his wife, Betty, says at one point when for just a second she lets down the guard she has spent an entire life constructing and decides to tell it like it is: “Stop it Don—nobody’s watching.”

In spite or because of this, Don’s small set of values is meant to mean something to us: whenever we catch a glimpse of whatever tiny heart he has underneath his expensive suits and fake name and entirely false life, it’s meant to sort of devastate us. He’s our protagonist, and we’re supposed to want him to be a good person. When he goes to California toward the end of season two, we’re supposed to see that after watching a presentation on the joys of nuclear annihilation he has a true psychic break. Something (and not just something: The Ultimate Thing, nihilism carried to its logical conclusion: mutually assured destruction of all life on earth) finally scratched the unscratchable surface of Don Draper, and maybe he is on his way to becoming a real human.

Thus, he literally goes toward the light, replacing his pinstriped Manhattan world with sunny California and metaphors of truth and sun. Everything is new in California in the early 1960s: the ultra modern house Don follows a lover (heavy handidly-named Joy) to, Mexican food, which he’s never had before.

“So Don, what’s your story?” one of the characters he meets along the way asks him, and for the first time he answers honestly:

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

 

Pretty Little Prisoners: The Sexual Politics of Mad Men August 8, 2009

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Be still my heart!

Over the next week leading up to the Series Three Mad Men premiere, I’ll be posting some thoughts on the sumptuously heartbreaking AMC TV series. Here are just the first few paragraphs.

Start organizing your thoughts on MM so we can have good conversations in the comments, ok, friendos?

Before we even get into it: I started trying to write a super scholarly treatise on Mad Men, but, almost 10 years after college days spent blissfully analyzing poems and novels to death, I finally realized that I wasn’t writing an essay for WST 205 (Something’s Happening Here: Manifestations of Social Change and Dissonance in 1960s America Through the Lens of “Second Wave” Feminist Theory). Thus, please enjoy my nonacademic rambly thoughts, and please add your own!

After hearing me heap praise on Mad Men for months, a friend finally started watching the series from the beginning. He called me up after watching the first few episodes.
“I don’t get this show. Why you like it.”
“What?”
“You talked so much about the clothes and the set designs and the characters—I didn’t know it was going to be so dark. And it doesn’t seem like a show you’d be into—the women are so, I don’t know…oppressed.”

Yep!

Just as there are people who do not understand that The Simpsons isn’t a lighthearted cartoon but one of the most bitingly satiric shows ever to air on TV, there are people running around whining about how Mad Men is misogynist. Today seems like as good a day as any for a radical feminist to counter that claptrap by heaping praise on this most radical, most feminist show.

After watching every episode of both seasons three times and taking copious notes (as well as screenshots), my thoughts on Mad Men, can be boiled down to two:

  • It’s about feminism.
  • It’s about nihilism.

Specifically: how a heartbreaking devotion to the latter held back the former.

And: how that changed.

Tune in next Tuesday or Wednesday for more! BE EXCITED!

 

 
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