YOU’RE WELCOME (I’m awesome)

As promised:

101 simple meals ready in about 10-25 minutes – sans industrialized cruelty and death!

So I did this in an insane 3.5 hours, fueled by nothing more than watermelon Bubble Yum gum. I am a stone cold fox, yo! OK, not really, just a professional chef. I could think of amazing meal ideas ALL DAY.

Everyone in my local coffeehouse thinks I’m insane because I didn’t get up (except to go get more gum) for nearly four hours, but I am happy to report that even while crazily menu planning, I was multi-tasking: While on the aforementioned gum walk, I managed to get a jab at the irritating faux-homeless faux-punks that hang out on the stoop of my local anarchist coffee collective. When one of them asked me “Why are you walking so fast, honey, are you having a bad day?” (why do faux-punks say “honey”?) I yelled “I’m fucking awesome and I’m going to get more Bubble Yum!!!” and they didn’t say a word to me when I walked back, blowing gum bubbles, with a head full of TEN MENU IDEAS I thought of on the 1-block walk.

Success! I’ve been trying to make those kids not like me for forever. I used to try to be nice to them, but the end came last week, when I heard the purple-haired queen bee tell her minions that “If we beg $3 each we can go to that house and drink,” then a minion (tattooed face guy, I know you New Paltzers know him!) instantly turned around and asked me if I had a dollar. When I said I was saving my dollars for drinks of my own (and very nearly gave him a lecture about how his crew was giving real anarchists — i.e., me — a bad name around town), he offered to trade a dollar for 30 push ups.

I’m still turning that trade around in my head. If he had offered to come to my house and cycle some of my laundry, things would have been different. (And here I would link to the page Jacob wrote up about the bike-powered washing machine….but he never wrote it up. Oops!)

Moving on!

The 101 menu ideas were too long for a blog post, so I handily put them up here. Enjoy!

Love and other indoor sports,


5 Responses to “YOU’RE WELCOME (I’m awesome)”

  1. Maggie C.

    “I’m fucking awesome and I’m going to get more Bubble Yum”
    oh! that is the funniest thing I have heard (read) all day. it’s priceless. =)

  2. Maggie C.

    “I’m fucking awesome and I’m going to get more Bubble Yum.” that is the funniest thing I have heard or read all day. so priceless. =)

  3. Carrie Snow Waterman

    You are Fucking Awesome, yo! Nice to know you know.
    Thanks so much for the recipes. I’m going to take a swan dive and swim around in them all summer long. So incredible & refreshing ~

    Go get published!!!!!

  4. Jill

    If that girl goalie from the mighty ducks can get a food network show i’m sure as hell you could get one.

    jill n.

  5. Jill

    if that girl from the mighty ducks can get a cooking show then im sure you can



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