my everyday inner monologue


I am totally going to get a tattoo. I’m kind of scared of the pain and shit, but almost everyone I know has one, and I have to be stronger than at least some of the people I know, and a friend of a friend of mine is a really amazing tattoo artist, and she offered to do one for me as a food barter!

Oh man, I am going to be cool. Do you want to know what I’m going to get? OK, get ready:

A full-size chef’s knife! Yes!! Not a knife like a killing-people knife — a nice, tasteful chef’s knife. Shoulder to elbow. Are you dying of jealousy yet?

Oh my gosh, I need to set this up soon, it’s going to be so amazing. I adore Global chef’s knives, but they are so distinctive that I can’t get a tattoo of a Global knife because I will be walking ad, and what if I find out that Global is actually run by christofascists or something? So maybe just a stylized chef’s knife.

But a cool one, not like clip art.

Dude, it’s going to be amazing.

[10 minutes and 25 horrid knife doodles later]

What is wrong with me? There is no way I am going to get a tattoo – especially of a knife! I own no less than 20 books on the theory, philosophy, and practice of nonviolence and TA’d a class on the subject in college, and I’m going to get a tattoo of a knife? This is a ridiculous and pathetic attempt to be cool that I should be beyond. Tattoos are so tacky, even (especially?) Williamsburg-y hipster tattoos.

[5 minutes later]

Well, the argument could be made that I’m “reclaiming” the knife since I’m a vegan chef and all that, but then there is the traditional second wave feminist argument that under patriarchy women and other “others” are brainwashed into doing stupid things like carving themselves up to fit the dominant social order’s ideas of what is “cool,” thus to get a tattoo is to give in to the idea that pain and self-mutilation are acceptable ways of asserting an identity. I should instead focus on healthier ways of creating a self-image, or stop worrying about such ridiculous things altogether and instead focus on bringing about radical feminist revolution/revolution grrrl style now.

[5 minutes later]

Oh but wait – Kathleen Hanna’s kind of feminism isn’t against tattoos, she’s all third wavey and has that cute heart on her arm, and all the Le Tigre ladies have lots o’ tats.

[5 minutes later]

But I’m not a third wave feminist, I have to admit that. So, I can’t get a tattoo.

Phew! I’m glad my political positions have handily made that decision for me!

But it would be so cute…

2 Responses to “my everyday inner monologue”

  1. nat

    I think its awesome, I was thinking ok gatting a chef knife tattoo on my back.


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