how itunes taught me the meaning of life

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Hiding in bed this morning from the 1,200 truffles I have to make in three days, I tried focusing on my breath and giving myself some very un-Lagustaish new agey platitudes about laser-beaming my energy on productivity, blocking out bad vibes, and infusing the truffles with the love that I have for them deep down. I was trying to proactively combat the looming knowledge that 14 hours later I knew I would be covered with chocolate head to toe (not in a sexy way, trust me) and would be glaring at tray upon tray of the gooey little fuckballs.

I reminded myself of the upcoming yearly month-long vacation and the truffle-money that always makes it possible. I reminded myself of the way truffle-making is, at its best, a meditative practice that is actually calming. But I was recovering from a hard cooking work week and nothing was working. I didn’t want to get out of bed.

While trying to let my thoughts settle like a clear fucking forest pond, a song popped into my head – always the death knell of my sad little meditation efforts.

The song was “This Could Go On Forever” by Wanda Jackson, a strange choice from my subconscious because I haven’t listened to lovely lovely Wanda in months. I sang a little of it to myself, all alone in my cozy warm bed with 3 cats mewling for food just in tune. The lyrics seemed perfect for my chocolatxtravaganza: “This could go on forever…it will never ever end.” It made me feel appropriately miserable.

I lugged myself out of bed and put on some music to help me start the day. ITunes was set to random. 11 days, 23 hours and 23 minutes worth of music would hopefully find something upbeat to accompany my tooth-brushing.

And yes, of course: the very first song was the Wanda Jackson song! I stared at the computer in amazement. As she sang, I realized it is actually “This Should Go On Forever,” and it’s a great little tune about living in sin, a situation I am also quite fond of. It’s a love song, not a sad drudge about truffles. (Here’s a YouTube of someone else singing this little lady.)

Moral of the story: don’t adjust songs to your own purposes to make yourself feel more miserable! Thanks iTunes.

I listened eagerly to the next random track, wondering what other life lessons iTunes would impart, but it was just CocoRosie singing about trannie boys (that’s my take on “Beautiful Boys,” in any case.) It was grand tooth-brushing music, though.


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