Your Mean Tricks, Like The Wetness Of Your Lips / When You Say, “Just Put Your Heart Here In My Hand.”

“Hock it” up there is that rarest of songs: great to listen to at the beginning and ending of a love affair. More about The Blow below.


Two friends of mine just broke up, providing me with a good opportunity to share three things.

1) My theory on liberal dating, in which I get to indulge in lots of petty generalizations. Hooray! Here goes:

Whereas liberals tend to see what is wrong with the world and throw their hearts into fixing it, conservatives lie to themselves about what is working and don’t put their hearts into much of anything except making money. (Note how nice I am being by admitting that conservatives have hearts at all.)

Thus, it is much harder for liberals to fall in love. We see people’s flaws right away. We don’t delude ourselves about whether a person is going to work or not. However, once we are in love we work at it together and tend to have better relationships as a result. The trick is finding that magic person.

Did I just say “that magic person”? Is vacation turning me into a softie? Ugh. My lip is curling at myself.

Anyway, conservatives have a much easier time getting into relationships. In order to be a conservative, you need to do a lot of lying to yourself about the way the world works, making it impossible to know who you yourself are and what you want out of life. Therefore, you can pretty much fall in love with whoever comes around who fits into your media-prescribed demographic profile – whoever a person like you would fall in love with. However, said constant low-grade dishonesty to yourself and the universe makes it pretty hard to stay in a healthy relationship.

Unsurprisingly, this mirrors the predicament of liberals vs. conservatives in our society at large. On the surface, liberals seem to have the deck stacked against us, but in reality we have all the advantages because deep down we are just better people. Yay for the home team!

Now that I think about it, I have these same problems when it comes to finding friends. I write 99% of people off right away, but devote myself slavishly to the 1% of people I adore.

2) I would like to state that it is perhaps impossible to be unhappy when listening to Whispertown 2000. Morgan’s voice is so sweetly off-kilter that it somehow lifts up the entire human race, making us more human in our acceptance of our flaws. And also really really happy. And also, she really knows how to write a song.

3) When the initial sadnesses of a love affair gone bad have passed, I would recommend The Blow. No one covers the spectrum of human relationships better than Khaela.

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