all the bad news fit to print/I have anger issues/Alice Paul is cool

I don’t have to be asked twice, Kevin!

I took my sweetheart to the airport yesterday for a month away. Will this happen to him when he comes home through JFK again?

The world is making me grumpy today. Naturally, this leads me to vent about my family. But first, a little roundup of annoying news:

-Someone in my country is going to die tomorrow for no reason, that’s harshing my mellow day off. I called the Texas governor’s office about it. Why are all the secretaries who answer the phone women and all the governors men? Sometimes those stupid basic questions just make me so angry I can hardly breathe. Yes, I know about Ann Richards. Still.

Fucking Texas. Perhaps these days it’s no longer fashionable to hate Texas because Austin has a vegan restaurant or something, but I don’t care. I fucking hate the entire state of Texas and 99% of everyone in it (including and especially my three immediate family members living there – idiots find idiot places to live, for sure) with the exception of Carol Adams and Twisty. I’ve been to Texas twice, and it lives up to all the stereotypes.

I have an idiot aunt living in Texas who – WAIT. This is going to get ugly. I’ve save the ugliness for after the jump and will continue with the news roundup.

-What’s up with gas drilling in NY State? I should research it and figure out an opinion. My knee jerk feeling is that it’s crap, but I mentioned that on the New Paltz Green Party listserve, and someone said they didn’t think so. So I guess I better research it. I’ve heard it pollutes water.

-Sometimes you can’t even count on your own chosen people not to be idiots. Look what PETA’s up to these days.

-As you know, I have decreed that douchebag is an OK word for feminists to use, but the smarties at Feministing have a more nuanced take on the question. This isn’t bad news exactly, just interesting.

-Neither my coconut milk nor my coconut oil people have gotten back to me about environmental aspects of coconut harvesting.

I wish I was still studying French. “Neither” and “nor” are so pretty in French, I so enjoyed constructing sentences with them. Sigh. “Je n’ai dans mon attirail ni gobelets métalliques, ni tube pan…”

-Could it SERIOUSLY be possible that McCain could be our next president? How much bullshit must one country be expected to take? Come ON PEOPLE.

-And finally, it turns out that Askinoise chocolate is run by a GIANT ASSHOLE. More on that soon.

All Cleo does when Jacob’s home is contrive ways to sit on him. She also tries to make Sula notice that he is not sitting on him and to feel bad for that fact.

Now. I know I shouldn’t have written the email I am pasting below, and I know that I especially shouldn’t put it online. My poor, darling college “Theory, History, and Practice of Nonviolence” professor (buy his book!) who selected me to TA his class because I was obsessively into Gandhian nonviolence would be so disappointed in how far I’ve fallen. I know it’s not healthy or useful or right to just blow up all the time.

But here’s the deal: I’ve got a lot of my father’s DNA in me, and my father was an anger addict. I deal with this genetic gift really really well most of the time. I am a high-functioning, usually peppy person in a completely non-functioning world. I don’t even go to therapy. I think I’m doing great. But a few times a year I completely blow up. I’m working on it, it’s not right, but that’s life.

So, my idiot aunt used to forward around right wingy emails. A few years ago she sent one about some judge sentencing that shoe bomber guy who apparently made some speech when he was sentencing him all about how terrorists hate our freedom and all this right wing bullshit. This aunt had been trying to reclaim some sort of friendship with me for a while – she was nice to me as a child, even taking me on a vacation to her McMansion in Texas once (she’s the kind of person who takes a vegan 15-year-old to a steakhouse in Texas) and taking me to the mall and buying me some horrible clothes. Here’s a tip for aunts who want to do the right thing for their nieces: fuck the mall, how about calling the police on your brother who is forcing your sister-in-law, niece and nephew to live in unspeakably horrible conditions?

Anyway, she’s the kind of person who secretly wants to gather the entire lunatic family together for some heartwarming Christmas, and is willing to ignore the fact that the family is certifiably insane in the name of some family unity and Norman Rockwell Christmas that I’ve never cared about or understood – also, I’m Jewish. Which everyone on my dad’s side of the family handily ignores.

I wasn’t about to be email friends with this aunt, so this ridiculous shoe bomber email gave me the chance to unload some wonderfully freeing vitriol. For your reading pleasure, the entire email response. I commit many crimes in it, be warned:

“This is reductionist bullshit. I don’t like terrorists any more than any other American (as a matter of fact, unlike everyone else this email was sent to I actually witnessed thousands of people being murdered on Sept 11 at the WTC and was traumatized for a solid year for it so I actually know something about terror) but all this “they hate our freedom” talk is just BULLSHIT, and I would respectfully ask that no one ever forward me any other emails with overly simplistic tripe like this ever again. I believe that Richard Reid got exactly what he deserved – of course he should be in prison for life for such a despicable act. Of course he’s an idiot, and I would never defend him. But the statements of this judge reflect an unfortunate stupidity and reductionist line of thinking that most Americans seem to want to believe, probably because it’s easier than believing that their government has absolutely no regard for their welfare and doesn’t care if they die or are killed in terrorist attacks as long as they get the power, money, and oil that they want. The “terrorist threat” does exist, but it exists much more than it would if the Bush crime family hadn’t gone to Iraq and Afghanistan and created MILLIONS more terrorists and people who hate the US not because of our FUCKING FREEDOMS you stupid idiots, but because we have KILLED TENS OF THOUSANDS (HELLO! CAN YOU EVEN READ? think about how many people that is) OF INNOCENT CIVILIANS – people just like you and me, people who love life and good food and their families and whose only crime was having the wrong skin color and being in the way of our government’s money-grubbing power-hungry agenda. Our entire world is going down the motherfucking TOILET and people like you are forwarding idiotic emails like this. I can’t stand it anymore, I won’t put up with it, I refuse to keep silent about it. STOP SENDING ME EMAILS LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stop reading whatever Republican trash you idiots read and read websites like Try, just for ONCE IN YOUR STUPID FUCKING LIVES to see past the lies of your election-stealing nauseating faux government and FIGURE OUT THE TRUTH FOR YOURSELF.

Also, Ms. Yearout, I don’t know you but I guess you are a friend of my aunt’s. She forwarded me an email that happened to contain an email of yours accidentally attached. I would like to respectfully inform you that “that black roommate” is not an acceptable way to refer to someone in 2006, unless you preface every statement about a white person with “that white person.” You probably live in Texas, though, so I guess I shouldn’t expect any better. I wish you would all just become your own little inbred ugly-as-shit disgusting-accent-speaking backwards-thinking completely USELESS country, so I would never have to hear from any of you people ever again.

Please do not respond to this, please leave me in peace and can we PLEASE stop pretending we are family and we get along by forwarding fucking IDIOTIC emails to each other all day long. I have a life and a love and a house and a garden and I’m a New York liberal anarchist vegan fucking JEW with things to do with my time and can’t waste my entire life on email. I have no family except that which I’ve chosen. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.”

And she has. Done.




For no reason whatsoever, I am now going to copy and paste a completely unrelated email I just received from a friend:
An HBO film -‘Iron Jawed Angels,’ – stars Hilary Swank as Alice Paul.

It is the story of our Grandmothers and our Great-grandmothers. It was not until 1920 that women in the U.S. were granted the right to vote.

Thus unfolded the ‘Night of Terror’ on November 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson’s White House for the right to vote. The women were innocent and defenseless. And by the end of the night, they were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden’s blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of ‘obstructing sidewalk traffic.’

They beat Lucy Burn, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air. They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching,twisting and kicking the women.

For weeks, the women’ s only water came from an open pail. Their food — all of it colorless slop — was infested with worms. When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.

It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized. The doctor refused. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn’t make her crazy. The doctor admonished the men : ‘Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.’
The movie,’Iron Jawed Angels’, is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that we can pull the curtain at the polling booth and have our say.

Pass this on to the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Every time you vote, history is being made.

Check out her impressive resume at

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