morans and mavricks and oh fuck, i am depressed today

On days like these, when I wake up irrationally grumpy (partially because it seems that someone who is happily partnered off should not have to wake up [or go to bed] alone as often as I do, partially because of some farming-related nonsense I am debating whether or not to talk about with teh internets), the grumpiness can easily blossom into a wild thrashing anger that I long to viciously take out on anyone nearby. This is my genetic legacy, and it seems that today I will have to wrestle with it more than I would like.

Usually I channel it into politics, and of course there is plenty to keep me occupied in


What the goddamn HELL.

He read the sticker on my computer (my god I have to take that sticker off, it only attracts conversations I never want to have) – Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole – said “isn’t that contradictory?” (????) whipped out a business card, handed it to me and started talking about how “I should take a look at his website [August 2009 update: I took off the link to it that was there before. See below for why.], it would be useful. And is that a mac? Is it an old one?”

I just stared at him and finally said “Um. No thanks. It’s just dirty, not old. I have to get this done. Bye.”

And by “this” I mean writing about how you are an idiot.

Breathe breathe breathe.

So if one is the kind of person who gets sad then a wee bit depressed then instead of moping around the house is liable to call up a friend and scream about Sarah Palin for hours, there is plenty o’ grist for the mill around these days.

And on days like these I can’t stop myself from keeping a running tally of things that are fucked verses things that keep me sane, and if the former gets longer than the latter I just give in to the bad mood and revel in the horribleness.

Here is today’s list:

Things That Are Fucked:

Ol’ pink tie here

Sarah Palin Sarah Palin Sarah Palin*


Cat hair on black dresses

People who don’t fulfill their barters

That I never write back to personal emails but will write blog posts and how I bet that annoys my friends, as it would if I were them

Also I never call my friends back when they call me

Wedding registries

Cropped jackets, cropped shirts, I hate cropped sleeves why doesn’t everyone?

Something smells like bacon (or something) here at my local fair-trade café

There is a tiny little new gallery next to said café that looks promising, except that it has a giant cow skin “rug” on the floor. Walking past it throws me into instant rage, and if you think that’s stupid I could give a fuck. People have pointed out to me that it might not be real, and this makes me (very unfortunately for everyone) start talking about how people do not have lampshades made out of faux Jewish skin in their living rooms and people should not have rugs made out of faux dead cow skin and I am allowed to say that because I have relatives that died in the Holocaust.

Culture of death, I hates it in all its multifaceted forms, yo.

I mean, when someone is already struggling to have a sane day, horrific punctuation marks like dead cows slit down the middle and spread out on floors do not help the struggle, do you feel me?

Update: my friend Aaron just went up to the gallery owner and asked about the rug because I wouldn’t stop bitching about it. He reported that she said this: “It’s part of the exhibition. I am told it was from a very sick cow. And the artist is into recycling and reusing things.”

As far as I’m concerned, that makes less than no sense and I’m still bitching about it. “Things”?

Also: a hurricane is headed for my house or something?

And finally: ten trillion horrible political happenings I cannot even bring myself to link to, talk about, read about, or write about because I truly fear I might vomit if I even go there.

Things That Keep Me Sane

There is a very adorable giant dog sitting next to me at the café. It keeps making eyes at me. Maybe I should steal it and live happily ever after, as everyone knows that a girl with a big dog by her side is a happy girl forever.

Watermelon. Not even that, though, as a future post will show all the ways that a skinny kid cannot profess her love for watermelon in public without having to deal with a bunch of trash talk.

Grease. Once in NYC whilst hanging around people cooler then me, I ducked into Ricky’s Lookin’ Good Feelin’ Good (tip o’ the pixels to Kevin, who told me he has a friend who calls Ricky’s by its full name) in a quickie attempt to, well, coolify myself up. It didn’t work, but as a result five or so years later I have something called “Grease” in my medicine cabinet and every day when I brush my teeth I muse on what it is, why I have it, and what idiot would buy a product called “Grease.”

Also: I have no mouth.

While in the special mindset called “depression bordering on rage” today I suddenly realized that magical grease could solve my constant problem of zillions of hairs always slipping out of my updos. Before ponytailing my hair I slathered it with Grease (“Work product into hair at the roots” – my life was a girlie mag today!) and now I am sitting cool as a cucumber with lovely greasy sleek hair. Yes, it is a pompadour. Usually that’s not my vibe, but today it’s saving the day.

It is so incredibly not hardcore to write about a hairdo. Ugh.

Phew though. I really feel better after venting, dearest blog.

I’ll take depression bordering on rage over depression bordering on worse depression any day, wouldn’t you? Rage is so much more fun. And productive.


*Here is a cute email from my mom:

Hi Gus!

I got that great Green Party card. What a wonderful idea to have it so that you can plant the seeds. And I dodn’t think it’s bad that you said “candidates,” it is still technically correct, they are that until they get elected.

My question is, when should I plant the seeds? I want to put the card in that little strip of dirt by my back door. If flowers grow there it would be so cool. But wait until spring, or what?

I’ve had a crazy, crazy day for all kinds of reasons plus it has been raining all day and i couldn’t go out and walk at lunch. The worst thing: SARAH PALIN! She is awful!!!!!!

More later.

7 Responses to “morans and mavricks and oh fuck, i am depressed today”

  1. Maggie

    Oh thank goodness for you Lagusta!!
    I have had an agonizing morning due to the political situation. Things and people keep making me more upset everyday!
    Then I read your blog, smile and think that things might actually be ok or at least happy that we have some of the same things in common.
    Sarah Palin is horrible! I blogged earlier about my distaste for her and McCain and then I have people coming at me with all this crap about how great and qualified she is. What?!! NO!!

    That Grease stuff sounds right up my alley, I should look into it. =)

  2. Some Dude

    Lagusta did you ever stop to think that Some Dude would be reading your PMS temper tantrums about your bad day and the idiots you encounter during them. The whole world is not out to get you. You have known for quite sometime when your irritable “situation” would arrive. It does happen every month and should not come as some surprise… At times like these you should stay home and spare the world from your irritable rantings and childish temper tantrums and learn to deal with life… You rudeness is not becoming and only shows your ill mannered spoiled upbringing… Oh, you really need to do something about that mouth… You have none…

    Some Dude

    • lagusta

      HA HA HA HA!!!! fucking awesome. You’ll be happy to know that I checked my menstrual calendar app on my iPhone, and I was so totes not PMSing that day! Or, for that matter, any day, since everyone knows that vegans (or healthy women in general) don’t get PMS. So suck it yo!!!

      And if someone can show me a more appropriate place than a blog to have a temper tantrum, I have yet to see it.

  3. Some Dude

    Some Dude might call it PMS, temper tantrum or vegan mania and rightfully so but that was leaving you a way out.

    But, now there is no denying the fact that you are spoiled, selfish and ill mannered which tells me you are unhappy with yourself and your life and just externalizing your unhappyness.

    I understand your frustration and truly wish you could find some happiness within yourself and your world and put your writing skills to a much more productive use…

  4. lagusta

    Ah, Some Dude, I feel bad that you found this post because I hated on your site. It’s clear that that’s what happened, & I’d feel bad if that happened to me too.

    Let’s have a truce: if you stop calling me spoiled (oh, how I’d love to prove to you just how wrong that is: want copies of my parents’ tax returns, perhaps? Oh, wait, they didn’t file taxes because my father was too busy funneling any money into his nose and other body parts, and my mother is still paying off back taxes from 20 years ago. So the tax returns won’t help much…alas!) I’ll publicly admit that making fun of your sales pitch was a super super horrible thing to do.


    I won’t even make fun of your spelling, OK? That’s how nice I’ll be.


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