On days like these, when I wake up irrationally grumpy (partially because it seems that someone who is happily partnered off should not have to wake up [or go to bed] alone as often as I do, partially because of some farming-related nonsense I am debating whether or not to talk about with teh internets), the grumpiness can easily blossom into a wild thrashing anger that I long to viciously take out on anyone nearby. This is my genetic legacy, and it seems that today I will have to wrestle with it more than I would like.
Usually I channel it into politics, and of course there is plenty to keep me occupied in
OH MY FUCKING GOD SOME DUDE JUST WALKED UP TO ME AT THE CAFE AND STARTED GIVING ME AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR HIS FUCKING WEBSITE COMPANY.
What the goddamn HELL.
He read the sticker on my computer (my god I have to take that sticker off, it only attracts conversations I never want to have) – Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole – said “isn’t that contradictory?” (????) whipped out a business card, handed it to me and started talking about how “I should take a look at his website [August 2009 update: I took off the link to it that was there before. See below for why.], it would be useful. And is that a mac? Is it an old one?”
I just stared at him and finally said “Um. No thanks. It’s just dirty, not old. I have to get this done. Bye.”
And by “this” I mean writing about how you are an idiot.
Breathe breathe breathe.
So if one is the kind of person who gets sad then a wee bit depressed then instead of moping around the house is liable to call up a friend and scream about Sarah Palin for hours, there is plenty o’ grist for the mill around these days.
And on days like these I can’t stop myself from keeping a running tally of things that are fucked verses things that keep me sane, and if the former gets longer than the latter I just give in to the bad mood and revel in the horribleness.
Here is today’s list:
Things That Are Fucked:
Ol’ pink tie here
Sarah Palin Sarah Palin Sarah Palin*
Cat hair on black dresses
People who don’t fulfill their barters
That I never write back to personal emails but will write blog posts and how I bet that annoys my friends, as it would if I were them
Also I never call my friends back when they call me
Cropped jackets, cropped shirts, I hate cropped sleeves why doesn’t everyone?
Something smells like bacon (or something) here at my local fair-trade café
There is a tiny little new gallery next to said café that looks promising, except that it has a giant cow skin “rug” on the floor. Walking past it throws me into instant rage, and if you think that’s stupid I could give a fuck. People have pointed out to me that it might not be real, and this makes me (very unfortunately for everyone) start talking about how people do not have lampshades made out of faux Jewish skin in their living rooms and people should not have rugs made out of faux dead cow skin and I am allowed to say that because I have relatives that died in the Holocaust.
Culture of death, I hates it in all its multifaceted forms, yo.
I mean, when someone is already struggling to have a sane day, horrific punctuation marks like dead cows slit down the middle and spread out on floors do not help the struggle, do you feel me?
Update: my friend Aaron just went up to the gallery owner and asked about the rug because I wouldn’t stop bitching about it. He reported that she said this: “It’s part of the exhibition. I am told it was from a very sick cow. And the artist is into recycling and reusing things.”
As far as I’m concerned, that makes less than no sense and I’m still bitching about it. “Things”?
Also: a hurricane is headed for my house or something?
And finally: ten trillion horrible political happenings I cannot even bring myself to link to, talk about, read about, or write about because I truly fear I might vomit if I even go there.
Things That Keep Me Sane
There is a very adorable giant dog sitting next to me at the café. It keeps making eyes at me. Maybe I should steal it and live happily ever after, as everyone knows that a girl with a big dog by her side is a happy girl forever.
Watermelon. Not even that, though, as a future post will show all the ways that a skinny kid cannot profess her love for watermelon in public without having to deal with a bunch of trash talk.
Grease. Once in NYC whilst hanging around people cooler then me, I ducked into Ricky’s Lookin’ Good Feelin’ Good (tip o’ the pixels to Kevin, who told me he has a friend who calls Ricky’s by its full name) in a quickie attempt to, well, coolify myself up. It didn’t work, but as a result five or so years later I have something called “Grease” in my medicine cabinet and every day when I brush my teeth I muse on what it is, why I have it, and what idiot would buy a product called “Grease.”
Also: I have no mouth.
While in the special mindset called “depression bordering on rage” today I suddenly realized that magical grease could solve my constant problem of zillions of hairs always slipping out of my updos. Before ponytailing my hair I slathered it with Grease (“Work product into hair at the roots” – my life was a girlie mag today!) and now I am sitting cool as a cucumber with lovely greasy sleek hair. Yes, it is a pompadour. Usually that’s not my vibe, but today it’s saving the day.
It is so incredibly not hardcore to write about a hairdo. Ugh.
Phew though. I really feel better after venting, dearest blog.
I’ll take depression bordering on rage over depression bordering on worse depression any day, wouldn’t you? Rage is so much more fun. And productive.
*Here is a cute email from my mom:
I got that great Green Party card. What a wonderful idea to have it so that you can plant the seeds. And I dodn’t think it’s bad that you said “candidates,” it is still technically correct, they are that until they get elected.
My question is, when should I plant the seeds? I want to put the card in that little strip of dirt by my back door. If flowers grow there it would be so cool. But wait until spring, or what?
I’ve had a crazy, crazy day for all kinds of reasons plus it has been raining all day and i couldn’t go out and walk at lunch. The worst thing: SARAH PALIN! She is awful!!!!!!