there’s only one peach with a hole in the middle

Actually, Peaches, there are kind of two—donut peaches sometimes have bialy-like almost-holes in them. Is there something wrong with me that instead of thinking about sex, as one properly should when listening to Peaches, I think only about how no one makes bialys around here? If someone would only make a good bialy I would be freed up to enjoy Peaches as she should be enjoyed! (Hey, speaking of bialys—have you read this fascinating book?)

Fun fact! “Bialy” is not in WordPress’ horrible spellchecker! Could it be that WordPress hates the Jews? (More likely, I overdosed on Sarah Silverman Program clips this week, which put me in a fun-lovin’ blame-the-goy frame of mind.)

Sculptures by Hester Keith

Oh dear, I have gotten so ridiculously off-topic.

Let’s start over:

To celebrate the fact that I very courageously went to a party this weekend with nothing but a gladrag* between my flowy menses and my awe-inspiring white jeans, here are some ladyparts notes:

My pal Ilene, Fertility Awareness Method** instructor par excellence, has herself a blog. Via said blog, I found this rad site about, well, the title says it all: http://gettingoffthepill.blogspot.com/

My inherent distrust of the Pill and the medical establishment behind it (and, yes, my inability to swallow pills) prevented me from ever using that particular method of birth control, and for this I am thankful. But almost every other woman in my life has been on the Pill at one time or another, and I don’t want to lecture here, but ladies: seriously, that shit is wack.

Hey, have I ever mentioned this little gem of a blog? You probably already knew about it, but for womens about to do the deed, it’s a good resource. Her experiences with Planned Parenthood weren’t all that great, though, so for balance perhaps I should state that I go to PP for all my ladyparts needs, and I adore them. I mostly go because they are in biking distance from my house and because I want to support them, so I always just pay the maximum (they operate on a sliding scale), plus a little more if I can swing it. A doula friend of mine recently recommended that I go to a midwife for my check-ups and whatnot, but I must admit I really like the low-key, no frills, proletariat feeling of my little college-town PP. They are really great health care providers, too!

Speaking of PP, I am Emily X, the journal of a Planned Parenthood worker, is an interesting read. (Confidential to CH: why don’t you start a blog like this? I’d be interested to know how your experiences compare and contrast to hers [and, just like that, it’s 1999 and I am your TA all over again! “Compare and contrast MLK and Gandhi’s approaches to the idea of “satyagraha, or nonviolence in thought and deed…”].)

OK, I’m off to wash my gladrags in my bicycle-powered washing machine whilst reading the Autobiography of Malcolm X (spoiler alert: he was an anti-Semitic misogynist!) and feeling superior to the rest of the planet – later, skaters!

_______

*Will you make fun of me if I confess that I have never successfully smoked a cigarette or used a tampon? True, I gave up trying either when I was about fifteen, but ick, tampons freak me out. For that matter, so does the Keeper, since I know you were going to mention it. I do, however, have a special place in my heart for women who put their keeper-collected flow onto their houseplants —how could you not?

**Aka The Form of Birth Control All Intelligent Straight Women and Preggo-Seeking Lesbians Should Be Using.

4 Responses to “there’s only one peach with a hole in the middle”

  1. Allison

    Bialys!!! My love for bialy’s runs mad deep. I grew up in Orange County NY (don’t judge me) and haven’t been able to find them anywhere else. Every time I’m in town visiting I go to the gross little ShopRite and buy every pack they have! Oh I’m so glad I’m not the only one who spends her time longing for bialys.

    Reply
  2. Christy

    can i out myself as CH and say how excited i am to start a blog… someday soon. also! I am now a fertility awareness method teacher as well and loving it.

    Reply
  3. Benito Santiago

    By the end of his life X wasn’t anti-Semitic and had become less misogynistic. Not that he didn’t have flaws, but the ‘spoiler alert’ was excessively harsh, something I rarely accuse a fellow vegan of being. Your beet truffles look amazing.

    Reply
  4. lagusta

    Heya Benito,

    Ah, I didn’t mean “spoiler” as in “this will spoil everyone’s affection for Malcolm X,” but as in “I hope me revealing this plot twist doesn’t ruin the book for you.” Spoiler alert, you know?

    I’m glad he got better, but you’ve got to admit the dude had some major issues along the way.

    Christy: Wooo for FAM!
    Allison: Ah, bialys. Yum.

    Reply

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