living underground in the real world

old of cold, mad at everything–everything!!

img_0031Are you wondering what song my current mood would be, if moods were songs and vice versa? Thanks for asking! It would be “I don’t give a fuck” by Peaches, which is of course a version of the Joan Jett classic “Bad Reputation.” My entire day has, for no reason in particular yet also every reason imaginable, been the living incarnation of part where she crazily shrieks “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!!”

So I won’t do that damn Facebook “25 random things about me” thing, but since I have been irrationally, hugely angry all day, I am going to channel that anger instead into:

Twenty Five Things I Fucking Loathe

I have exactly 16,575 other things I’ve been meaning to blog about (Sasha Frere-Jones, Loomstate jeans, podcasts, the Grammys and whether or not Jacob won one, calling The Flaming Lips “The Flips” and oh so much more!), but I can tell that this needs to take precedence so I can get unangry. Here we go!

1) People who buy animals at pet stores. Oh come the fuck on. It’s 2009 and I still need to explain to you that when you buy an animal from a pet store, another animal dies and its blood is on your hands?

2) People who complain that they wanted a puppy, and there weren’t any at the shelter that day, so they were, basically, forced to go to the shelter. Blood. On. Your. Hands.

3) People who argue that buying dogs from breeders doesn’t mean your dog is inbred. People who have romantic notions that keeping the purity of dog breeds going is somehow noble strike me as, well, fucking racist. Does anyone else feel me? I want mixed up multi-colored people, and I want mixed up multi-colored dogs too. Some people have told me that in the wild dogs would only have sex with their specific breed, so we are actually being kind to them to keep their genetic lines pure. Do I even need to deign to explain that dogs are no longer in the wild, and most likely that was only because dog breeds were separated by geography? Oh god, the whole issue makes me so angry. (If I was a better animal rights activist I wouldn’t have pets, I know that. I never claimed to be perfect, remember. Just mostly perfect!) Update: My position on this issue doesn’t mean, however, that I agree with PETA’s ridiculous, ineffectual tactics!

4) Speaking of perfection: I loathe it when people say, “Well, things are never going to be perfect” when I am complaining that my truffle-shipping system, or bangs, or watermelon, or HTML, or watever, are not perfect. It seems to me that the striving for perfection is what makes one an interesting and useful person, and people who go on about how things can’t be perfect are hater losers.

5) Wraps. (My wrap-loathing is so intense that I actually wanted to go to this place when I heard about it. [NSFV: Not safe for vegans: meat picture!])

6) Uggs boots. A no-brainer. And, of course, the be-sweatpanted lemmings who wear them.

7) My commute to work. Only 10 miles each way, but amazingly infuriating. (Speaking of: I bought the scooter!! I know I should have bought a used one, but J and I fell in love with the electric thing and oh my it is pretty. I won’t be using it until the spring, though, because I also loathe:)

8) Winter.

9) Cold.

10). Winter clothes.

11) Winter shoes.

12) Snow.

13) Ice storms.

14) Icicles.

15) Ice.

16) People who like winter.

17) People without any sense of perspective who obsess over the tiny annoyances in their lives while not acknowledging that on the whole their lives are really fucking amazing. For instance, me.

18) Patchouli, and people who wear it.

19) People who tell me that I turn more people off with my far-left positions than I enlighten, because no one listens to you when you refuse to see shades of gray. These people always tell me that things are not black and white and always manage to implicitly (or explicitly) call me childish and imply that once I grow up I will see more than one side of an issue. I very kindly reply that I do see the other side of the issue, I see it very clearly and precisely: it’s stupid. If that doesn’t work, I call them “good Germans” and walk away.

20) People who can’t write a fucking email without typos and gramatically incorrect sentences so extreme that their meaning is actually obscured (usually reversed, in fact: “I can’t not pick up those truffles” for example). Classism doesn’t play into this: no one received a worse primary education than me, people. Half the kids in my high school had guns, and we weren’t allowed to wear black and red together at any time lest it provoke a riot. No one ever gave me a dollar for college, but I read The New Yorker and took out thousands upon thousands of student loans (I’m not saying I recommend you do the same: I do not) and now I can at least conjugate a damn verb now and then. It’s not that I’m in favor of going to college (I am not), but you don’t have to have a college degree to take pride in your writing skills and to read something besides TMZ all day.

21) When you get tea in a coffeeshop to stay, why don’t you ever get a saucer on which to put your spent tea bag? Things like that really make me feel our civilization has gone so far to shit that we will never get it back. (This is one reason to go to the Village Tea Room, for sure. They have proper tea in a proper cup with a proper saucer. Sorry to get all English granny on you, but I loves my tea).

22) The mainstream record industry. Oh, I would so like to say more.

23) Dudes. Except for, like, four. I am amazed at how much my dude-loathing never really dies down. I was an angry Women’s Studies major almost a decade ago, and still get as angry about patriarchy (and frat boys) as I did then.

24) And here is where I alienate everyone I haven’t already alienated: I truly believe that people who have gmail accounts are idiots, mindless drones willing to trade their very souls for storage space. You KNOW that they (OK, computer robot thingies, but still) read your email and target ads based on the very things you talk about. It gives me the creeps, and yes, this happens to me in myraid ways anyway (I was just reading an article on nyt.com and one of the ads was for chocolate truffles), but to invite it willingly by having a gmail account strikes me as way too Orwellian to be safe.

25) To be perfectly honest, I kinda fucking loathe Obama these days. I’m actually stunned that even though I wasn’t exactly for him before, I must have secretly bought into the great lie and believed he would solve at least some problems, because what he’s doing with this stimulus package is absolutely infuriating me. Tax cuts for rich people: thanks, asshole!

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Well, this tired me out, but I feel so much less angry! Thanks, internets! (Hey, If you’re angry and don’t have a blog and/or are more apt to cry it out rather than scream it out, here is some fodder. I hate marriage, but I cried ridiculously at this. Also, how much do you love Regina Spektor? I have it on good authority that she is a sweet person, which I thought I’d pass along because I am that annoying kind of bitch who only wants to support artists who are good people, another thing people laugh at me for.)

Are you wondering what Peaches song my everyday life would be, if everyday life were songs and vice versa? It would of course be the all-too-true “AA XXX.” What would I do without Peaches to explain my life so melodically?

14 Responses to “old of cold, mad at everything–everything!!”

  1. Dustin Rhodes

    I hate winter, too, but inexplicably I love winter clothes. So many more options. Don’t you know? Men’s clothes are so freaking boring, and winter, at the very least, allows for a coat, a jacket, a scarf….some thing slightly interesting.

    You don’t have this mentioned on your list, but it sure would be included on mine: flip flops. That’s a crime right up there with Uggs, if you ask me, especially those frat boys you hate so much; seeing them in their American Eagle jeans and flip flops makes me want to jab my eyes out with icicles.

    1. I have a g-mail account 2. I didn’t know it read anything 3. but it’s not like I tell secrets or anything (gmail probably thinks I am pretty banal 4. I hope this doesn’t mean we have a gay break up over this fact.

    Reply
  2. veronica

    What’s that about gmail accounts? I don’t have one, but I want to know more about this scariness that is Big Brother. (Speaking of Big Brother, the author of that book I was telling you about, We, [written in 1920!!!] is Yevgeny Zamyatin. Here’s a little blip about it:http://www.greenmanreview.com/book/book_zamyatin_we.html)

    I heart Regina Spektor!

    Uggs (or oogs, as my mom says) and legging and flip flops need to die. Or, at least disappear permanently from New Paltz.

    Hopefully you got outside a little today, it was gorgeous!

    Reply
  3. kevin

    I hate people who ask what breed my dog is while walking him. I am often tempted to turn the tables and ask, what breed are you? Clearly Shadow is white and fluffy – what more do you need to know?

    I also hate people that say “oooooh but you two would be such great parents!” or “you two would have such beautiful [and/or] cute kids!” when I explain that my wife and I want zero offspring.

    Reply
  4. Sasha

    Loved this post!

    I have two cute mongrels, and when walking them always get dirty looks from the purebreed owners in the street.

    I’m going to adopt Kevin’s approach next time I’m asked what breed Harry and Lulu are.

    Watched the ‘Marriage’ video too, and should’ve been at home not work, I cried like a baby!

    Reply
  5. lagusta

    OK, a few things.

    It’s my understanding that the tradeoff for Gmail accounts is that you get ads targeted to you based on what you write in your emails (Google says so, in some seriously Orwellian language: http://mail.google.com/mail/help/about_privacy.html#targeted_ads). This use of my personal emails for capitalist gain deeply worries me, doesn’t it you? It seems like only a matter of time before our phones are tapped (well, they already are, but) so that companies can learn more about us to better send us ads through our phones or mailbox or something. It’s just the slippery slopiness (??) of it that bothers me.

    But now I’m curious: Gmail users, is this feature so subtle that you haven’t noticed it?

    And here is a giant confession: I wear flip flops all summer long. BUT! Only because in Hawaii they are called slippers (or “slippahs”!) and are worn by everyone, from sumo wrestlers to housewives to three-year-olds. Also, I’m a recovering Birkenstocks footwear gal, and there just aren’t that many good sandals out there! Yes, I know, they are plastic and made in China. I do agree, though, that frat boys (and for that matter sorority girls) wearing them give me the creeps, but really that’s just because they give me the creeps no matter what they wear.

    I actually do jab people’s eyes out with icicles when they tell me that I should have kids with my partner because “they would be so cute.” But since I’m being all multi-faceted here and everything, I will confess that more than once the thought has crossed my mind that I hope one of Jacob’s sisters has kids because they have such great hair genes!

    Reply
  6. lagusta

    Hey, I’m amazed no one pointed out that I have a typo up there, since I’m so annoyingly self-righteous about typos. You peeps are too nice to me! I won’t fix it, just so I can be a little more human.

    Reply
  7. kevin

    You can read/send/etc your gmail (or google-hosted domain email) outside of the gmail interface too. I use my iPhone or Macbook Mail.app for my email needs, so I never actually see the targetted ads.

    Reply
  8. Marla

    Hey, lady!

    I’m with you on so many especially # 23. And I thought I was alone in that.

    Regarding #3, well, that just doesn’t make sense to me that people would say “in the [mythic] wild” dogs would only procreate with their specific breeds because in the wild, there are no specific breeds. It’s not like poodles naturally sprang up in France, dalmatians in Hungary, German Shepherds in Germany, etc. Humans genetically engineered breed characteristics into dogs, who in their natural state would be the kind of a light brown, medium-sized dog. That’s how the dogs all look in Jamaica, where people are not hung up on breeds: that is the dog in its natural state. Oh, and I agree that the preoccupation with “pure” blood lines strikes me as not a little Arian Nation-y.

    Reply
  9. lagusta

    Ah, good point, Kevin! OK, so that makes it better in my eyes.

    OOh, and Marla, YES, thanks for reminding me of that info, so I can use it as ammunition!!

    Reply
  10. Steven

    I’m not sure how much the benefits of nourishing your body with good food is being undermined by the bitterness on which your soul seems to thrive, but I’m guessing it’s quite a bit. I’m not blind to the fact that this world offers up endless things worthy of scorn and head shaking and eye rolling, but so much negativity will destroy you. If you hate the cold, then stop complaining and move away from it. It won’t miss you, I promise.

    Reply
  11. Dustin Rhodes

    I am so glad Jedi masters visit and make helpful comments on your blog.

    Reply
  12. lagusta

    I know, right? Don’t people get that if I didn’t whine about winter I couldn’t rhapsodize about spring?

    That whole “negativity will destroy you” thing is just laughable. I’m three decades old and have been angry since I was born, yet I have a lovely life and friends and a lover and work surrounded by mountains of chocolate and glory in flowers and kittens and candy. I just refuse to ignore how fucked up the world is—how exactly will seeing the world honestly destroy me? I maintain that I’m the sane one.

    Reply
  13. Christy

    I see that this thread is way over with but just to offer an opinion to the contrary– I find your “negativity” enjoyable, and inspiring. Maybe you have to have an appreciation of subtlies to get it.

    Reply
    • lagusta

      THANK YOU!! It’s never too late to say you like my negativity, oh no!

      Reply

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