My mother is, apparently, on Twitter.
She doesn’t seem to quite know what Twitter is, however, which makes it somehow better.
My mom: “Do you know this thing, Twitter?”
Me: “Yep. Are you Tweeting now?”
“Well, anyway, I heard that a lot of journalists were on this Twitter, so I went to see what it was all about. But you couldn’t see what it was without signing up for a Twitter yourself, or to Twitter yourself…or however you say it. So I did, but I didn’t want to use my real name [my mother thinks that the Internet knowing your real name would be an open invitation to what kinds of horrors she can only imagine. The paper that she writes for publishes her articles on the Internet under her real name every week, though, so I find this belief strange.], so I tried out all kinds of other things, like Paulinevegan and PaulineCatLover and things, but they were all taken! Can you believe that? So I tried just CatLover, and it wasn’t taken! But then I realized I mistyped it—so now I’m CtLover.”
“Ooh, I will go check out your Tweets! Will they be about Connecticut?”
“So are you on this Twitter?”
“Nope, I have too much internet stuff going on already what with this Facebook and all.”
“Oh yes, Facebook! I’ve been meaning to ask you. My friend at the office says I should get on the Facebook—she has a lot of relatives from Greece, and she says that it’s so great because she can talk to them this way. I don’t have any relatives from Greece—well, you know that, I guess—but still, I thought it might be fun.”
“Hmm.” [Not liking the idea of being FB friends with my mother one iota]
“So anyway, Twitter seems so weird. People were just saying dumb things like ‘I am at a press conference.’ Or ‘I just got off a plane.’ Who cares?”
“Well, that’s what Twitter is. It’s just little life updates.”
“I don’t understand.”
“So I don’t think I will Twitter. It seems weird.”
“Oh, but it would be fun to read your Tweets!”