living underground in the real world

how realistic are the new Lagusta’s Luscious Bluestocking Bonbons’ Furious Vulvas?

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My friend Moom (sister of the much-mentioned-on-this-blog Than) reports:

Lagusta!
I finally got to try your delectable bonbons!
Than had brought a bunch (from your opening that I missed) for me and my dad brought them over to our place.
My faves: peppermint and pb ones—can I just say…..YUM?
The vulvas ones were so incredibly intense.
It was like having sex with kate on a hot, summer day.
Sweartogawdmotherfucka
The raspberry one: like a savoury dinner followed by dessert. So complex. I couldn’t figure out the main component, then read on your website that it was balsamic vinegar. That was my aha moment! The berries were so fresh. Best berry puree yet!
The ancho chile/mexican cinnamon one: it was so dark chocolate-ty rich, then bit me in the ass with a spice kick several seconds later!
it really felt like my senses were traveling around to different parts of the world.
Thank you for sharing your love and culinary talents with me and those who are lucky enough to try these chocolates!

Hope you are well.
Love to you, jacob, and les chats.

-moom xo

So I naturally responded:

ahhhhh!!! I’m DYING!
I’m so glad they passed the Moom super taster test!
One thing is that if the vulvas were too salty, there is a chance you might have gotten a batch that was slightly on the salty side.
So, can I PLEASE have your permission to post your comments on my blog? I can call you by a pseudonym if you want! I just have to point out that you are the third lesbian to describe the flavor of the vulvas as realistic! I’ve got to start asking straight dudes if they agree.
I think you and Than have INSANE palates, so it makes sense to me that you like the more subtle ones. Some of the other ones might sort of hit you over the head with flavor, which I like because I don’t really like chocolate so it takes a lot of flavor for me not to think “oh, chocolate flavor—bitter.” Also, most Americans’ palates are oversensitized because of eating so many artificial flavors that it takes a shitload of raspberry to even get people to think it’s raspberry, you know? So I so value the opinion of the super Luu taste buds!
Also! I feel like the pb cups and peppermint patties are sort of a gift to vegans because they don’t get chocolates like those all that often, so I am extra super happy that non-vegans like them too.

I’m sort of on a cloud about these new chocolates, can you tell? I like the Vandana Shiva ones, myself. I’m really proud of the flavor combo, and that I’m using this super special Taza chocolate in them.

Lagusta

To which she responded:

Lagussie,
Yes, please post my comments!
No pseudonym needed at all.
I forgot to tell you that I LOVE the packaging and design.
I agree with you—most Americans’ palates are too used to artificial flavorings.
No, the vulvas were a good salty.
You should make one with ovulation–hints of citrus.
Hahahah!
I am so kidding.
They are great.
You are amazing.
xx

So, women-loving women and women-loving men who have tasted the vulvas: what sayst thou on this very important question? My women-loving women phase was limited to the ridiculously stereotypical single quickie make-out session with my crazy pansexual (read: supa slutty) freshman college roommate, and we never really got below the neck, so I can’t comment, sadly.

Also: do you like how my blog has become merely a place for me to copy and paste emails?

Also also: Who would have guessed someone would praise the bonbonz and Paris Hilton perfume in the same blog post? If I had to take a guess on all the people in the universe who could have had the expertise to lump the two together, my first guess would have been Brittany Turner, without a doubt. I would have been right. What bizarre and fascinating people fill my life!

4 Responses to “how realistic are the new Lagusta’s Luscious Bluestocking Bonbons’ Furious Vulvas?”

  1. kevin

    I’m straight and eating a furious vulva right now. We’ve seemingly torn through almost the entire box in like a week. Yum.

    Reply
  2. kevin

    Thanks much! Now if only brett and i can figure out how to do something useful with all the spent grain we end up with while brewing…

    Reply

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