living underground in the real world

bad business decision

Um. I wrote this post at 4 AM last night. That’s my excuse.

Also deserving of an excuse I cannot provide (except to say that I am a ridiculous person) is that I am now the kind of person who wears a ribbon bow on their head, though they are more than a third of a century old. I have so many ribbon scraps!

_igp8511

Moving on:

I try to keep my business and my blog fairly separate. A lot of my Upper West Sidey clients [I should just change the name of my meal delivery service to Lagusta’s Luscious Food for People Who Live On The UWS. I swear 80% of my clients live on those leafy brownstoney streets] are sweet, wholesome people, and I don’t want to subject them to my profanity-laced ramblings. But I talk so much about my business on the blog in a way that chocolate customers especially might be interested in, that I feel sad that I try to hide it. On the other hand, I also talk about:

  • My vag.
  • Not liking dudes.
  • Or married people.
  • Or babies.
  • Or people in general.
  • The word “fuck.”
  • The word “fucking.”
  • The word “shit.”
  • The overwhelming, all-consuming, head-to-toe rage that periodically engulfs me completely.
  • etc.

(If at this point you are saying: “but Lagusta, I recently emailed you and your email signature has a link to your blog in it, WTF!” Aha! I have two email signatures! I am sneaky!)

I can’t decide. I also have this question about Facebook. I like to separate Lagusta from Lagusta’s Luscious on Facebook. Only one of my clients is my FB friend, and I constantly worry that he is all “Hmm, how interesting that her status update is currently ‘douching.*'”

On the other hand, if I was really a businesswoman I would have businessy pages for the chocos and meals on Facebook. But oh, the very idea makes me tired. If I didn’t have all these unwholesome ideas and vitriol and things, I wouldn’t have this problem, but I do, so I do, and I think about it a lot.

I think it’s pretty obvious that I run my business with values other than capitalism at its center, but I also think it’s important to be professional to a certain extent, you know? At the same time, it’s important to feed those parts of myself that are most adamantly not professional. Balance, all that.

—-

*Do I even need to say that this is a made-up status update? But how HILARIOUS would it be? Ladies, I sort of want to dare you to have “douching” as your status update.

…[thinks about this]…

OK, OK! Let’s do(uche) this!—if you have “douching” as your Facebook status update for one solid week, I will send you a box of vulvas, promise. And it can’t be “douching (so I can get a free box of vulva-shaped chocolates.)” It has to be straight up “douching.” And you have to have more than like 20 friends, otherwise it’ll be no fun. And if you get a bunch of well-meaning comments like “But don’t you know that douching is not healthy?” You can’t say you are doing it to get chocolate. You have to act like you are seriously douching. Just to mess with people. It’s good to mess with people! We’re so beyond douching that it’s hilarious to joke about it! Right?

Um. THIS IS WHY I SHOULD NOT HAVE A LINK TO THE BLOG!

Wow, that whole thing very neatly resolved itself, didn’t it?douche

14 Responses to “bad business decision”

    • lagusta

      No way, the jig would be up! ;)
      (Nice blog though, Stephanie!)

      Reply
      • nico

        i’ll totally rock that shit. check it!

  1. brittany

    first of all, i prefer coconut or mint to the vulvas, but it’s all good. :)

    second of all, the hard part is not so much the “douching” status update as not being able to CHANGE MY STATUS FOR A SOLID WEEK!!! ouch.

    i have thoughts on the fbk/blog/professional thing but am too sick to formulate them into anything coherent right now. <3

    Reply
  2. lagusta

    I know!! Brittany, you will fall, I know it. You change your update like 50 times a day!
    Nico, I’m off to check yours out.

    Reply
  3. Martin McPhillips

    I was just reading along in my copy of the new Lagusta Yearwood novel, “Thousand Year Night,” and I came across this character, Colonel Rufus, who the master of the estate, F.M.T. Cronenberg, alway finds on his veranda in the middle of the night at precisely 4:00 a.m. drinking burbon from a tumbler.

    My question is, who is Colonel Rufus based on? And why does he always keep a vial of diptheria vaccine in his front coat pocket?

    Reply
  4. abovegroundpool

    oh this post makes me happy, as does the picture of you in front of your nylons collection. that is wut that is, right?

    if this is the secret venting spot, can i second your marriage and babies sentiment? it makes me crazy that queers, in theory my peeps, not only want to get married by THE STATE, but now insist on having bio babies, too? because all of a sudden biology is the most important friggin thing, and you’ve gotta have someone, um, someone like jason west, recognize your relationship in order for it to be a relationship?

    the homos are tiring. as tired as scented douches.

    Reply
  5. lagusta

    Yep, I have the most giant collection of vintage pantyhose inserts ever. They blow my mind on a daily basis. And I wear the pantyhose! It runs a lot. But I got them all for .25 each at The Salv, so it’s all good. (Oooh, I broke the cardinal thrift shopper rule: never reveal your sources. Damn.)

    You can secretly vent here any time you want, my friend. I am 100% with ya.

    Reply
  6. ruby

    I haven’t been on the internet for a week or so. Is it too late to enter the douching challenge?! I like the vulvas the best of all the chocolates.

    Reply
  7. lagusta

    First of all, you should get a prize just for not being on the internet for a week or so. You are an inspiration!

    And of course it’s not too late! Go forth and faux-douche!

    Reply
  8. Ruby

    Well, I have an iphone, so I was on that, but not any real computer or any websites for any extended period of time. I’d just check if there were any important emails, etc. Also, I haven’t finished the chocolates I have (& I just got more vegan chocolate as a super-sweet mother’s day present from my boss), so I shouldn’t get greedy.

    Reply

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