Here’s a question I’ve been thinking about a lot:
Vegans: do you make it a point to go only to vegan and veggie restaurants? I’d like to know. Here are my thoughts on it, as well as my (probably incorrect) interpretations of those of the two vegans I’m closest to: my moms & my sweetheart.
The number of photos I have of me looking bizarre while eating is truly amazing. Also, I’d really like someone to explain why I’m wearing two sweaters in L.A. Also what’s happening with my bosoms.
- If I ever eat another shittyass veggie burger, or even a mediocre veggie burger, or even a pretty good veggie burger, I am going to die.
- If I see another menu with a mediocre tempeh reuben/seitan fajita dish/portobello sandwich/cole slaw with veganaise mayo (sigh)/terrifying soy buffalo wings/whitey burritos/underflavored whitey tacos/stir-fries (oh. god.)/and the hummus/and the bland chili/horrifyingly bland peanut noodles/sad sad sad uncrispy salads with truck lettuce and sad sad sad gloppy dressings, etc. etc, I. Will. Die.
- [insert long cheffy snobbish rant here about how I make my own tempeh and can’t possibly be expected to eat that bitter shit in regular tempeh reubens and would never own a restaurant because then you have to make what people want to order instead of vice versa, which is how my weirdo business works because I’m such a diva.]
- Why do we go to these places, when we could go to, say, an actual Mexican place run by actual Mexicans who actually know how to cook and can make us actual Mexican food that is 1,000 times better? I do not have even one more inch of stomach space for a burrito as big as my head stuffed with iceberg lettuce and crunchy beans made by…well, I was just about to write the most horrifying sentence about trustafarian hippie vegans, but why be so mean? Trustafarian hippie vegans could make this non-trustafarian hippie-hating long-time vegan a good meal, I will admit that it is possible. I will merely say that they so rarely do and will not slander those who are, sigh, basically my people.
- By “these places,” I am specifically talking about places like: Chicago Diner in Chicago (where last night I had a truly dreadful dish called “Oaxacan Ravioli” whereby I must give the cooks points for trying, but whose execution was mindblowingly horrid (here’s a tip: ravioli should not be so “al dente” [i.e., undercooked] as to CRUNCH when you bite into it, unless it is the famous St. Louis-style “toasted ravioli,” which this most assuredly was not); Kate’s Joint and Quantum Leap and Caravan of Dreams and bunches more in NYC; one zillion crap vegan Thai places in LA with plasticky soy protein dishes; this one place I went to in Boston last year I can’t remember the name of (it was upstairs, and Asian, and horrrrrid); and I’m sure you can think of more.
- The other thing is that when you go to nonvegan places & order their vegan dishes, you show them that there is a market for vegan things, and that’s good, right?
- OK, I’ll admit it: Chicago Diner has the best vegan strawberry milkshakes ever.
My sweetheart’s thoughts:
The number of photos I have of my sweetheart eating something sugary is truly amazing.
- YUM! Seitan!
- Ooh, terrifying soy buffalo wings!!
- I’ve been on tour for weeks and am subsisting on hummus and kombucha from our rider and the last thing I want to do on the half hour I have before I have to rush back to the venue is worry that the chilaquiles from the awesome-looking taco truck on the corner have secret cheese in them. Plus, I can trade tickets to the show tonight to the cool vegans at this place in exchange for backstage doughnuts! Doughnuts!!!!!
“Dudes! I got the doughnuts!”
- I wonder if Lagusta could FedEx some peanut butter cups to the next hotel? I’m getting a little low.
- Oh my god Chicago Diner has the best vegan cookies & cream milkshakes ever. I hope they use real Oreos. Wow, I’m so happy that Oreos are vegan these days. No more Hydrox for me! Oh boy. I’m going to get some Oreos on my way back to the venue.
My mom’s thoughts:
OK, I need to work on my collection of mom-eating photos.
- Chicago Diner is SO AWESOME. I love it SO MUCH. They always donate to whatever animal rights campaigns we’re working on, and they support all the groups I’m in as much as they can. Everyone is so nice and cute, and when Lagusta’s sweetheart is in town we go and he loves the milkshakes so much.
- Hmm, what’s this in my soup? A door hinge? Oh my. The rest of the soup is pretty tasty though!*
- Look at that cute dog!
- One reason I love going to vegan restaurants is to support other vegans, and vegan businesses. Why worry about what’s in the food at nonvegan places when you can have peace of mind at all-vegan places?
This ice cream has Oreos in it!!!!!
What are your thoughts?