It’s not the season anymore, because the season was Yom Kippur, but now it’s a whole other season, the one where people eat dead animals (that’s every season though, isn’t it?), and that one is a good one for reflecting and trying to be a better person too. What I’m trying to say is that I came across this scrap of a draft blog post from when I had that awesome September meltdown (which came on the heels of an August meltdown, July meltdown, etc etc. It’s been an amazing year! Since the October Long Walk, though, I truly have been feeling better.) and what the hell, I’m posting it now, because it’s sort of a more concise version of that whole longass post. Here we go:
I woke up at 4 AM. I haven’t been sleeping so well. I unfriended some anarchist friends on Facebook I’d been having a painful fight with (if anarchists can agree on anything, it’s that we love fighting with each other.). I read a lot on the internet. I started thinking things like:
My whole approach to the world is wrong. Deep down maybe they’re right—maybe I do think that I can change the world through consumption. Stupid identity politics. And it’s true–the term ‘radical feminist’ isn’t really useful to me anymore (I got the term “radfem” lobbied at me as an insult, and it made me think.). But that doesn’t mean that I have scorn for what radical feminism has contributed to the world. I’m evolving, is all. I’m trying to take what I can from where I’m at and what has shaped me, and to keep reading and learning (ya’ll be proud: I’ve been reading a bunch of blogs by transmen. Learning and growing, I am. I have thoughts about them, but you know what? I’m no longer sharing them with the internet! Let’s talk in person, OK?).
I don’t know, peeps. I’m so over leftist infighting. I’m no kind of Jew at all, but it is the season to make resolutions and try to be a better person this year (or whatevs) than I was last year, so it seems like a good time to state publicly that I’m going to try really hard to understand where people are coming from, honor their experiences, and either work with them in coalition on what I can, or quietly step away.
Let’s do it.
Oh god I’m failing already.