resolved
Here’s something the blog format was invented for: self-centered rambling about one’s faults that no one cares about.
I don't know who that bikini-clad lady is, and I'm annoyed she's in my awesome photo.
And we’re off!
I’m one of those annoying resolution-makers. It’s annoying even to me. It’s a set up for failure, I know it, but the promise of a clean page in the journal, a nice tidy bulleted list—I can’t resist. I love clean starts too much not to do it. Since this is a big year of changes for me, I thought I’d toss my resolutions here (well, the ones I feel comfortable sharing, anyway) so I can refer back to them throughout the year and see how much I’m failing.
First of all, here are my 2010 resolutions and how I did with them:
- Better posture: pretty much a failure. I still slump like a baby.
- Floss more: I did floss more in 2010. Did I floss as much as my lovely dentist would like me to? No, not at all.
- Be a better boss: more firm and clear. Honestly, I think I did amazing with this one. I tried to be the boss I would like to have. Keeping that goal in mind helped a lot.
- Stop procrastinating. I’m not much of a procrastinator, but I stayed at about the same level in 2010, and I’d liked to have gotten that level down a bit. Ah well. The things I do when procrastinating are not too horrible either. Mostly I just read Jezebel. And Facebook. Repeat repeat repeat.
2011:
- The carryovers: posture (better), flossing (more), procrastinating (less).
- Think the best of people first. By far one of my most annoying qualities, one most judgmental people probably share, is that I tend to wildly underestimate or overestimate people. I arbitrarily decide some people are golden, whereupon they can do no wrong, and others can do no right because I’ve put them on my personal no-fly list. Stopping pre-judging and closing myself off to potentially perfectly lovely people—do it.
- Be warmer. I’m not a very warm person. I don’t put people at ease. I’m not good at small talk. I don’t open myself up easily. In casual conversations I mostly project the image that I’m hiding/holding back vital parts of myself. In anticipation of dealing with the public more in my business, as I suspect I will be doing in 2011, I guess this is something I should work on.
- Be an artist. I do this weird thing where I tend to not focus on creative passions, even though I enjoy them more than anything else, until all the businessy stuff is done. I won’t work on new chocolates, though I long to, until the inbox is clean and accounting is finished and papers are filed. I tend to tell myself I can only be creative when my head is free from business worries, but I need to reverse this and focus on, god it sounds so stupid, being an artist first and foremost—in whatever direction that takes me.
- Channel rage into productivity. This is another perennial resolution that always fails. All I know is: if I put as much energy into rage as I do into creative or businessy projects, I’d already have accomplished everything I’ve ever wanted to do. Which, to be honest, is a staggering amount of high-class shit. Channeling rage doesn’t really work though, or at least, I’ve never gotten it to work. Other things that don’t work: tamping down rage, ignoring rage, talking in soothing voices to rage. So maybe I should work on dissolving rage, or working through rage. Or something.
- Jacob and I decided 2011 will be the year of letting things go: letting go of rootless freeform rage that I have no reason to hold onto except that it’s part of a rage-pattern I get into (see above), letting go of anger when the causes of the anger have stopped being angry-making, letting go of miscellaneous feelings of anxiety that do not need to be given in to, etc. Just let it go. Why is this so insanely hard?
- Such a boring one: learn to deal with stress better. Learn better techniques instead of the time-tested (and time-failed) stress meltdown. Valentine’s is coming, so I better get this one down quick.
- Be kind to yourself. As previously mentioned.
Speaking of that last one, I’m off to the beach.
One Response to “resolved”
Oh, man, I have my page of resolutions all ready to go, too. And it also includes flossing.
And you should see the desktop background I made for my computer: a completely plain, pale gray background on which is written, in even paler gray so it barely stands out, “let go.” That’s definitely a resolution that I, too, need to live more.