i remember the first time i saw the new yorker totebag.
it was at a zine fest this winter and i asked the woman where she got it. “Oh, it’s a friend’s.” what. who doesn’t have so many totebags that they need to borrow a friend’s?
five or so months later i noticed it was also on the annoying subscription card that falls out of every new yorker and has been for like two years.
the point is that i really need like five of them in order to sort of keep on functioning properly. they fit all my shit most perfectly. ever since saturday.com, home of bizarrely childish outlandishly printed clothing in adult sizes, shut down (actual sample review found online: “who wears this garish clothing? adults who are obsessed with candy?”), i have a phobia of not owning like 50 of something i like. who knows when the gods of capitalism will turn on you?
i extended my subscription and my mom’s in order to greedily get two of them but i only got one of the good totes and one of this crappy thin LL bean knockoff crap bag. i politely (but really how polite can one be when being this patently insane) wrote to them about not getting the advertised tote and they said
“We are very sorry that the quality of this free tote does not meet your expectations.
We have extended your subscription by two issues to compensate for your disappointment.”
note the little jab with “free tote” –so like something i’d write to an annoying custie!
so i am willing to split the cost of a new subscription/extending your subscription with you if you give me your tote. ok? deal? money or chocolate or some combo?
IT’S JUST THE RIGHT SIZE FOR MY EVERYDAY LIFE, YOU KNOW?