blanket gratitude
since i’m just sitting here on the couch in the dark let me write another exasperatedly badly punctuated tumblr-type post.
man! i’ve gotten so much mail from internet friends lately. and not-internet friends, but how will they see this? so: internet friends.
thank you.
those dumb two words don’t really explain what i mean.
the cards and emails and things have been so strengthening. i feel so not-strong so often, and what really helps ever except words, right?
i have this big stack and i keep thinking i’ll write nice responses to them and then that seems daunting and sad-making so i just sort of have the stack and i guess that’s ok.
this one dumb friend of mine said, on reading the last long post about my mom: how did you keep track of all that stuff you wrote about, did you take notes at the time?
and i was like: what the fuck is wrong with you? i write 50,000 words about my mother’s death and that’s what you care about? also, what the fuck else did i have to do? i had to PROCESS.
my point is that real life friends are often idiots.
it’s been weird being so public about this whole, ah, “journey,” but i can’t not, so it’s been good to get some feedback in the form of funny little letters that all start with “we’ve never met but i’ve been reading your posts for a long time.” sometimes it’s been strange sort of writing into the void, but i get that 1) it’s sort of weird & impersonal leaving a comment on a blog about something as momentous as all this crap and 2) honestly making a wordpress account to comment can be annoying. that sounded ironic but i don’t mean it that way. i am actually that person who wouldn’t ever comment on a blog that meant a lot to me because i didn’t want to sign up for one more goddamn internet platform.
thank you so much, mystery internet friends. let’s be weird awkward unseen friends forever.
heart emoji here in multitudes.
One Response to “blanket gratitude”
Yes. Weird awkward mystery friends forever and ever.