since i’m just sitting here on the couch in the dark let me write another exasperatedly badly punctuated tumblr-type post.
man! i’ve gotten so much mail from internet friends lately. and not-internet friends, but how will they see this? so: internet friends.
those dumb two words don’t really explain what i mean.
the cards and emails and things have been so strengthening. i feel so not-strong so often, and what really helps ever except words, right?
i have this big stack and i keep thinking i’ll write nice responses to them and then that seems daunting and sad-making so i just sort of have the stack and i guess that’s ok.
this one dumb friend of mine said, on reading the last long post about my mom: how did you keep track of all that stuff you wrote about, did you take notes at the time?
and i was like: what the fuck is wrong with you? i write 50,000 words about my mother’s death and that’s what you care about? also, what the fuck else did i have to do? i had to PROCESS.
my point is that real life friends are often idiots.
it’s been weird being so public about this whole, ah, “journey,” but i can’t not, so it’s been good to get some feedback in the form of funny little letters that all start with “we’ve never met but i’ve been reading your posts for a long time.” sometimes it’s been strange sort of writing into the void, but i get that 1) it’s sort of weird & impersonal leaving a comment on a blog about something as momentous as all this crap and 2) honestly making a wordpress account to comment can be annoying. that sounded ironic but i don’t mean it that way. i am actually that person who wouldn’t ever comment on a blog that meant a lot to me because i didn’t want to sign up for one more goddamn internet platform.
thank you so much, mystery internet friends. let’s be weird awkward unseen friends forever.
heart emoji here in multitudes.